


How can I forget?

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Hurt Louis, Living Together, M/M, Memory Loss, Near Death Experiences, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Separations, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: That was true love, that kind of love that anyone envied them. Anyone saw them knew that their love was pure, they simply belonged together.Harry and Louis were deeply in love,  Louis was about to propose when that accident changed all their life. It turned their lives upside down.Louis woke up to find out that the love of his life couldn't remember anything about his last three years.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone.
> 
> Here is another story I hope you like 
> 
> English isn't my first language

Louis heard the alarm went off in their bed room, he was in the kitchen making breakfast for Harry. today was Harry's birthday and Louis wanted to make everything right. Today was the day he would make it official, today was the day he would propose and he really hoped Harry wouldn’t turn him down.

They were together for two years now. It was true love. Everyone saw them knew these two were meant for each other, Louis loved Harry so much, and Louis was literally everything for Harry. They were inseparable, always together ever since they met. Their love was growing with time and they were becoming one soul.

Louis heard footsteps coming towards him, he smiled while he was cutting the fruits the way harry liked.

“ baby, are you okay? “ Harry asked with his scratchy morning voice

Louis giggled and rolled his eyes, Harry asked again getting closer now “ lou? “

Louis turned to face him “ yes baby I am fine”

Harry looked at him confused “ what are you doing? “

he said while getting closer to the counter and he looked at the breakfast Louis made

“ you did all of this? “ Harry asked shocked

Louis laughed “ come on, I make you breakfast all the time”

“yeah? “

Louis sighed and looked at the banana he was slicing “ okay, not all of the time but a lot, today is a special day for me”

Harry was eating a strawberry “ really? Why?" then he looked at him with wide eyes" Did you get your promotion? "

Louis looked at him and smiled “no Harry, your really have no idea. I know you have been killing yourself lately I work, but did you really lose the time? ”

Harry was still confused “what is it? “

Louis gave up, he laughed “ it’s your birthday you silly”

Harry furrowed his brows “no, it’s not, it’s not until next week”

“my God Harry! it’s February first go and check the calendar “

Harry walked and sat on the table and sighed “ God, it is my birthday… shit.. I am really killing myself at work”

Louis smiled and walked to him, he cupped his face with his hands “ it’s not permanent, just till you get your degree and then you will have all the time in the world, all the money in the world”

Harry chuckled “ yeah right”

Louis smiled “ come on, today is your birthday, you are finally twenty two! "

Harry laughed “I am finally twenty two”

Louis left him to bring the tray “ that’s right, and today is gonna be a day to remember, I called your boss and I took you the day off”

Harry looked at him surprised “ oh, Lou. I can’t I need the money”

Louis put the tray in front of Harry “ I took care of it”

Harry sighed “I am not gonna take money again from you, you have done a lot for me.. And let’s not talk about the rent you are not taking from me”

Louis frowned “ you are my boyfriend you idiot, I am not gonna take the rent from my boyfriend “

Harry smiled “ you were not taking money from me before I become your boyfriend “

Louis smiled widely “that’s because you didn’t know at that time what you were for me”

Harry looked at him smiling but he didn’t talk, Louis said “anyway, I am not giving you money, I took one shift of yours”

“what! “

Louis nodded “ last Friday”

Harry frowned “ I was studying “

Louis nodded eating a slice of a banana “ basically you were studying, but I was there working at your place”

Harry closed his eyes “ Lou…”, then he looked at him and held his hand “ how can I pay you? You are doing a lot to me”

Louis smiled “ you did a lot too Harry, it’s me who should try to repay you. There is a part of you living inside of me”

Harry smiled, Louis pressed Harry’s hand “ I mean it, because of you I am okay, because of you I am alive”

Harry shrugged and sighed shyly “ it’s just a kidney”

Louis laughed “ yeah, just a kidney, it happens all the time”

Harry giggled then he looked at Louis eyes “ I love you Louis, I will do it again if I have too”

Louis looked at him softly “ I love you too harry, and I know but I don’t want you to do this again… keep your organs to yourself this time”

“ I am glad you are okay” harry said with tears in his eyes

“ I am glad we are okay” then Louis took a deep breath “ now, let’s eat we have a lot of things to do”

Harry nodded and took his juice and started to drink “  
So where are we celebrating today? ”

“ it’s a surprise “

Harry looked at him “ lou, please tell me you didn’t do much”

Louis sighed “ stop thinking this way, remember it’s for this birthday and your last one” 

Harry smiled “ and what about the last one? I had fun”

Louis rolled his eyes “ yeah had fun cleaning after me, yeah right”

Harry smiled “ it’s not your fault you were sick, and I swear I had fun, I had a lot of fun taking care of you, at least we were together and alone Cuddling and talking, just the two of us”

Louis looked at him surprised “ I think I should cancel it what I am doing today then”

Harry laughed “ being with you is all that matters”

Louis smiled and then he left his seat, and he walked out of the kitchen, Harry was watching him and then he was about to follow when Louis returned with a box in his hand

“ oh lou.. “ Harry sighed

Louis put the box in front of him “ it just your first one”

Harry smiled “ what is it? “

Louis sat back on his seat “ open it”

Harry smiled widely with tears again in his eyes, he opened the box and his eyes glowed “ oh you remembered” Harry put out a green scarf that Harry wanted it and said he would buy it with his next salary. He was with Louis and Louis didn’t pay any attention, or pretended that he didn’t pay any attention, that happened three months ago.

Louis was watching Harry trying the scarf “ of course I remember, I bought it the very next day”

Harry looked at him surprised then he hugged him tightly “ I love you”.

Louis smiled and rubbed his back “I know, I know… now.. Finish your breakfast"

Harry sat back still looking at the scarf, Louis said “ it looks amazing on you Haza”

Harry giggled and started to eat again.

****

Harry and Louis were in the car, Louis was driving and Harry was talking on the phone beside him

“it’s Okay Gemma I know… really it’s okay baby, say hi to mom.. I will come to see you with Louis next month, you make me another party then ” then he looked at Louis who was smiling wide, hiding his excitement.

Gemma and Anne were actually waiting for Harry and Louis at the place Louis chose for the party,  
Louis collected all the people Harry cared about so he could propose in front of all of them, Liam and Niall who were Louis' best friend, Zayn and Gigi who were Harry’s best friends, his sisters, Harry’s family. he knew it was a nerve wrecking but Harry deserved it, even if Harry said no, it would never change the love he had for Harry.

Harry looked at him “ why are you nervous this much? “

Louis looked at him surprisingly, he was trying his best to hide his nervousness, he was acting so good, or that what he believed

Harry continued “ what are you planning on? “

“nothing “ Louis said looking at the road again

Harry sighed “come one Lou, give me anything “

Louis shrugged “I hate to disappoint you curly, but it is a regular birthday, a cake and friends, not even all the family could come, maybe that’s why I am nervous, I really wanted Gemma and Anne to be here”

Harry smiled and then he took Louis’ hand and he kisses it “ I have you, that’s all the matters baby”

Louis smiled, and looked at him thinking about the what was in his pocket, that small red bix that hold the ring that he was going to give Harry. Louis was so excited that he was about to cry right now, he was looking at Harry’s eyes that and Harry was looking back at him, then Harry’s face turned pale, his eyes went wide and he screamed something that Louis could barely hear, he looked in front again but he didn’t understand what he was seeing, then he heard the impact and he felt his body was flipping, he heard a sound of Harry painful screams, then he saw black.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything hurt, his arms, his legs, his chest and most importantly his head.

He tried to open his eyes, but it was like his eyes refused the order. He heard the sound of humming machines, and sound of peeps that were continuously hurting his ears. He felt he was hooked with wires and needles, what the hell was happening to him?

Then he heard sound of a phone ringing, then he heard  
“hello”

And damn he realised that voice, was it Harry?

“ yes I am there, no everything is the same”

No not Harry, that was Liam, but what was Liam doing in his bedroom.

“ I know Niall, how is Harry? Shit.. Okay? “

What was he even talking about? What the hell was going on? His mind was racing to remember what was going on? His head hurt much more then he felt nothing.

When he opened his eyes later, he didn’t know how much he was sleeping , first thing he saw was white, white ceiling, white walls, white curtains, then he looked at his lab and he was covered with white cover too. Was he in heaven?

“ Harry? “ he called with a voice sounded even funny for him. He then looked beside him and there was Niall sitting , he was looking back at him with a big eyes, and for a minute Louis imagined that Niall wasn’t breathing.

“Niall? “ he said confused “ what... Are you doing Here? “

Niall swallowed hard and then he looked at the door maybe looking for help, and now Louis started to get scared, his heart beats accelerated that they heard the sound of peeping was getting faster and louder.

Then the door was opened and Louis saw different strangers with white coats rushing towards him, they started to examine his eyes and they were talking all together, he didn’t understand anything but he was panicking, was he in hospital?

“welcome back Louis” one of the men in white said at him smiling wide “ do you know where you are? “ he asked again

Louis looked between him and the two other doctors, or maybe nurses and then he said “ hospital? “

The doctor nodded “ that’s right, do you remember why?”

Louis shook his head trying to look for anyone he could recognise in the room

The doctor patted his shoulder “ calm down young man, you are okay, everything is okay”

Louis then looked at the doctor who never lost the smile “ you made a car accident ten days ago”

“ten? “ Louis whispered

“ yes, you were in an induced coma for seven days, you have broken your left hand and left leg, two broken ribs that one of them pentrated your right lung. but three days ago we put you out of it. Your body was too week that’s why it took you three days to wake up by yourself . You are so lucky louis you were this close from death”

Louis frowned, why couldn’t he remember anything, the doctor then said “ your friends and family are outside, shall I send them in? “

Louis slowly nodded then the doctor patted his shoulder again “ welcome back” and then he left the room followed by the two nurses.

Then the door was opened and Liam popped his head, then he entered with the same frightened look  
Niall had few minutes ago, then Niall also entered following Liam

Louis looked between them and he finally smiled “ you look funny”

Liam tried to smile while Niall wiped his tears, it was when Louis frowned “ was it that bad? “

Niall turned his face and sobbed while Liam walked towards Louis’ bed.

“ are you really awake? “ Liam asked

Louis looked at Liam and smiled “ it was only ten days”

Liam sighed and looked down and he was crying too

Louis frowned “ hay, don’t cry, I am alright “

Liam nodded, Louis looked at Niall who was still refusing to look at him “ Niall.. “

Niall shook his head and then Liam sat in the chair beside Louis’ bed “ how do you feel? “

Louis sighed and then he shook his head “ I know I am in pain, but I don’t know what exactly hurts” then he looked at Liam “ what happened, I remember nothing “

Liam looked at him with huge eyes, while Louis heard Niall whispering “ you don’t remember too”

Then Liam snapped his head to Niall and he moved his lips saying something Louis couldn’t hear or see.   
Something was going on and obviously these two were trying to hide it. 

Louis then asked “have you told mom and Harry? I need to see them”

Liam looked back at Louis “ your mom is on the way when I gave her the call, she will be here any minute now”

Louis nodded “ and Harry? Please tell me you call him? Where is he anyway, I loved to see him first thing when I wake up, where the hell is... “ the door was opened  
his mom rushed inside, she froze for a second when she saw him looking at her and then she took him in her tight hug for long, she was crying and so did he, not because he was in pain, it was just because he hated to see his mom crying.

When she finally pulled away, she looked at him and cupped his face “ my sweat boy, I was so worried about you. You can’t do this to me, not ever again”

He nodded and he wiped her tears, when she sat behind him on the bed, he looked around and found they were alone, liam and Niall must had left during the emotional meeting with him mom.

He looked at her “ where is Harry? “

She looked at him and didn’t talk, Louis sighed “ mom, tell me he is here, tell me you got him”

She shook his head “ he is not”

He looked at her shocked, his heart raced through the monitor, she explained “ he is in hometown.. He had to go”

Louis “ he left me? “ he asked with broken voice

His mom shook her head “ he had to, i promise”

Louis nodded and then said “ is Robin okay? It this why he had to go? “

His mom nodded and didn’t speak, he just took another deep breath “ what day is today? “

She looked at him nervously “ why? “

He shrugged “ I wanted to propose in his birthday mom, and now he again had to spend his birthday watching over me.. I am ruining it again”

She shook her head “you are not ruining anything, I am sure he doesn’t care about his birthday sweaty. Stop worrying about these things and clear your mind. I want you to heal fast because I miss you, your sister miss you”

He nodded and he rested his head back at the pillow, suddenly feeling so exhausted, then he closed his eyes again and he slept.

****

Louis saw everything, he remembered everything when he opened his eyes at the at the middle of the night, when it was so dark in the room he saw it, he remembered what exactly happened, he remembered the accident and he remembered harry then he gasped loudly and sat bolt up screaming Harry’s name

The light was on and then his mother sat beside him “ what’s wrong? “

Louis looked at her panicking, hyperventilating, crying “ he was there mom, he was with me, he was there”

His mom tried to hug him to calm him down but he refused the hug still screaming and looking at her manically and he was screaming hysterically “ he was with me, he was in the accident with me, and he isn’t here.. Where is he? Where is he mom? Oh God tell me “

His mom was also crying, Louis was trying to leave the bed and this was only going to hurt himself more, his mom tried to stop him, but Louis was somewhere else, still trapped in his memory, still panicking about Harry 

“ he was there... Oh my God, is he okay? “

“he is” his mom tried, she held his hand and she cupped his face between his hands, she made him look at her in the eyes and she nodded, she was also crying but she could speak “ he is alive, I swear to you he is”

Louis was looking at her waiting for a but, his mom did not say anything else

He then sniffed and said “ I have to see him, where is he? “

He was trying again to leave the bed then he screamed of pain, he clutched his chest and cried, his mom helped him to sit again, Louis was breathing fast, he rubbed his chest to distract the pain.

His mom was crying “ Louis please, you have two broken ribs... You can’t move like this, you will hurt yourself more”

Louis was still in pain, he looked at her and he was sobbing “ he is hurt mom, I have to see him”

She shook her head “ he is not here baby”

Louis looked at her confused, he stopped crying because he didn't understand what was happening. She took a deep breath “ Louis... You have been out for ten days, you have many broken bones baby, please.. Lie down for me”

He didn’t move, she said “ I will tell you everything “

He then nodded, she helped him to lie down, and then she looked at him “ Harry is okay, he left the hospital five days ago. You took the major hit Louis that’s why you were much worse than him”

Louis didn’t care, he just wanted his love to be okay, although his mom told him harry was out of the hospital but Louis felt there was something more than that.

“ he had a broken arm, and some bruises” then she cried

Louis whispered “mom, please.. Just tell me”

She looked at him and wiped her tears “ he had a bad hit on his head Louis... He doesn’t remember the last three years”

Louis frowned, he didn’t understand what his mother meant by this, what did it mean, Harry didn’t remember what exactly?

Louis was confused he told his mom “ what do you mean? He doesn’t remember the accident? “

She shook her head “he doesn’t remember that last three years Louis.. He doesn’t remember you, or us”

Louis gasped but said nothing, she continued “ he believes he is nineteen, he lost it all”

“no” Louis said, then he looked at his mother “ there no...there is no such thing, it’s just in movies or books but it is not real.. He is just.. He is just confused right? He will remember everything? He has to remember, what do you mean? He forgot me? What does it even mean?” he said hysterically

His mom was crying “ his doctor says if he didn’t remember in the coming week, he will never remember “  
“ what the hell mom?” he cried “ he can’t forget about me, how could he? Not true mom, not true” he wanted to leave his bed again   
.   
His mom held his hand and she said “ calm down, baby calm down”

He looked at her sobbing “ you are lying, why are you lying to me? “

“ I am sorry baby”

He shook his head and said “ I have to see him, he will remember me when he sees me, I know him I know my hazza” he sobbed

“ get it together, louis” she yelled, he looked at her, then she hugged him and he sobbed, she cried too but she rubbed her son's back praying for God that this awful nightmare would come to an end.

****

It was the next morning, when Louis called Zayn and asked him to come. Zayn didn’t believe his ears and obviously no one told him that Louis was awake. 

It took Zayn an hour and he was sitting by Louis' side in the hospital.

Louis’ eyes were red, his voice was more scratchy than ever, his face was much pale than when he was in his coma. In one word he was a mess. 

When Zayn first saw him he gave him the tightest hug Zayn ever did, he wasn’t a hugger so hugging Louis like this said a lot.

Louis wiped his falling tears and said to Zayn “ tell me anything “

Zayn bit his lower lip “ I am glad you are fine”

Louis glared at him, then Zayn said “ so you know? “

Louis rolled his eyes “of course I know.. I don’t believe it though”

Zayn nodded “ but it’s true.. He can’t, he can’t remember anything.. “

Louis snapped “ he will”

Zayn nodded, Louis sighed “where is he? “

“ back home with his mom, Anne was a mess, she is very protective right now, we can barely see him"

Louis nodded and swallowed hard, he looked at Zayn “ did anyone told him about me? “

Zayn shook his head “ your mom didn’t want us to, she said you should be the one telling him that, also Anne won't let this happen easliy"

Louis closed his eyes and the tears fell down freely.   
Zayn patted his hand “ I am so sorry, I truly am. All the doctors say he won’t remember but I know he can”

Louis looked at him nodding, then he said “ really? “

Zayn smiled nodding “ all I have is praying, and I am praying day and night for his memory to get back”

Louis wiped his tears “ how is he? “

Zayn shrugged and shook his head “ confused, very confused.. Angry and weak at the same time.. I  
don’t know but he is.. He is not okay”

Louis’ heart twisted, the love of his life was not okay, needed him, but he still didn’t know he existed, Louis wanted to be there for him and yet he couldn’t. Harry had No idea who Louis was and Louis had no idea how this would hurt.

***

The third day after Louis waking up, he had a visit he never expected.

The door was opened and when Louis looked at the door, he gasped, then he reached his hand for the newcomer for a hug.

Gemma rushed to him and they both hugged crying. 

Finally she looked at him and wiped her tears, she sat beside him on the bed “ how are you feeling? “ she was looking at the casts on his hand and leg, he only shrugged

“ I am awful Gemma, my heart hurts so much.. Did he really forgot about me? “

Gemma sobbed and didn’t talk, Louis “ I need to get out of here.. I have to see him”

Gemma looked at him “ he is not better trust me.. He is very confused Louis.. He is vulnerable and sensitive. He locks himself at his room and he refuses to meet anyone. Every time he doesn’t remember something he panics”

Louis shook his head, Gemma “ he has panic attacks daily. Two days ago.. He saw your photo”

Louis looked at her with big eyes, Gemma shrugged “ I didn’t know what to tell him, then mom said you used to be his college mate and you have to move to France and you lost connection”

Louis frowned “ but why? Is she trying to erase me from him that easily!"

Gemma took a deep breath “ he collapsed Louis.. When he saw mom wedding's photos he collapsed and we had to call the doctor, he told us not to add pressure on him, not to follow him with the memories and the questions.. Mentally he can’t take it anymore.. So mom decided to remove everything that happened in the last three years, I can't blame her you know"

Louis looked at her “ what about me? “

“ you have to come and see him, I don’t care about what mom is doing but I am sure when he sees you he will remember”

Louis swallowed thickly “ what if he didn’t? “

Gemma looked at him with big eyes, then she shook her head “ no, he must remember, I need my brother back Louis.. I can’t... This is not Harry” then she cried again.

Louis hugged her one more time and he rubbed her back softly with his good arm. He wanted to leave as fast as he could .  
He wanted to leave and he to meet Harry, Harry would remember him and everything would be okay, right?

****

Two days later, Louis couldn’t sleep, he was thinking about Harry non stop and his heart ached very much.   
He took his phone and he dialled Gemma, after two rings she answer

“ lou? Everything okay? “

Louis said with shaking voice “ no, I... I can’t “

“ can’t what? “ she said softly

“ I miss him so much Gemma, I need to hear his voice, please “

“ lou... “

“ please Gemma, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking of him, I miss him so much my heart hurts, I feel like dying"

She sighed through the phone “ okay, wait”

He heard shuffles and he figured she was walking, then he heard “ Harry”

“ yes” Harry said and Louis’s heart twisted, he gasped and then he put his hand on his mouth to suppress his sobs  
. 

He was on speaker and he didn’t want to make any sounds, he heard Gemma saying “ are you sleeping? “

“no, I can’t “ louis’ tears were cascading his cheeks, he wanted to yell and shout, he wanted to call Harry’s name, he wanted to go to him right now. 

“would you like to eat something? “ Gemma asked

“umm.. Maybe”

She giggled “ what? “

“ pizza sounds good”

Louis smiled, Harry always loved pizza

“ what topping? “

Louis whispered “ pepperoni” as Harry said it too.

Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he sobbed louder and then he had to end the call. He tossed his phone beside him and he cried like never before, he cried till his eyes hurt. He cried till he knocked himself out.

******  
It was ten days later, when Louis was in the car with Zayn. Zayn already parked the car and then he looked at Louis “ are you ready? “

Louis shook his head, Zayn sighed “I know it’s hard”

Louis looked at Zayn “ what if he didn’t remember me?”

“then you will leave and we will try something else, Louis please don’t try to remind him, please “

Louis looked in front again and nodded.

“ let’s go then” and he opened the door and left the car.

They entered the coffee shop that Louis was going to meet Harry. Harry was with Gemma for the first time out of the house after the accident, they didn’t want them to meet at the house, Anne had no idea that Louis was meeting Harry, when she called Louis that night she begged him to step away and forget about Harry completely, that night Louis cried like a baby, he felt it was true, he was losing Harry and he had nothing to do.

they didn’t want Harry to panic if he didn’t remember him. They wanted it to be sound like not intentionally. 

Louis was using the crutches, his leg was still in the cast, but his hand wasn’t. He was physically better but emotionally worse, much worse.

Louis saw him, sitting by Gemma holding the menu, a frown on his face as he was concentrating.  
Louis smiled when he saw him and he was walking to him, when Zayn clutched his hand

Louis looked at Zayn, and Zayn said “ stick to the plan”

Louis nodded and he let Zayn take the lead.

Zayn walked and Louis followed and then Zayn stood at the table “ hello guys”

He said to Harry’s table, Harry looked at Zayn and then at Louis, Harry smiled widely “Zayn? What are you doing here? “

Zayn shrugged “ I am here with my friend”

Harry looked at Louis, Louis was staring at Harry, he couldn’t move his eyes down, and it hurt.

Harry didn’t recognise him, Harry didn’t even care to look at him, he was just looking at Zayn and communicating freely with him

“ Harry, Gemma, this is Louis”

Harry stood up and extended his hand for Louis, Louis looked at the hand and then at Harry.

Zayn nudged him by his elbow, and Louis took that hand and looked at Harry

Harry smiled “ are you okay? “ he said looking at the crutches

Louis looked at it too, Harry didn’t remember him and Louis couldn't explain what he was feeling at the moment 

“ I fell” that was the plan, he fell, there was no accident to be mentioned

Harry nodded “ sorry about that”

Then he looked again at Zayn “ Zayn, can you take me home”

They all looked at him, Zayn looked at Gemma who only shrugged, Harry added “ I want to leave and Gemma is locking me here”

Gemma smiled “I am not, I just want you to have some fun”

Harry only shrugged and looked down, Louis looked at Zayn and he shook his head “ I will use the loo”

Louis rushed to the bathroom as fast as he could , he could not hold his tears, he cried. He opened the bathroom door and he rushed to the sink, he rested his crutches and he opened the faucet, and he washed his face, the water mixed with his tears and he was in so much pain.

Then he felt the door was opened only Harry who entered.

He walked and stood by Louis to wash his face too, Louis was still staring at him

Harry wiped his face and looked at Louis through the mirror “ are you okay? You look pale”

Louis was still staring, he didn’t answer

“ mate, should I call Zayn? “ Harry asked with concern, he looked at him face to face

Louis said “ you can’t remember”

Harry gasped for a second and then said “ we know each other? “ but he was obviously shaking now Louis walked closer limping while Harry took a step backward

“ Harry, it’s me.. Louis... Louis Tomlinson, you can’t forget me” be almost answered 

Harry was hyperventilating now, he then looked down, all his body was trembling

“I am sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Harry, it’s me” Louis said again

But Harry shook his head and whimpered “ no, no, no, please no” harry said hysterically

Then he collapsed on the floor, crying and shaking, he hugged his knees and buried his face between his knees and cried.

Then the door was opened and Zayn entered, when he saw Harry this way he rushed to him “ what did you do Louis? “

Louis looked between Zayn who was trying to calm panicked Harry, Harry was awfully panicking and at this moment Louis knew that this was the end.

Harry didn’t remember him, Harry would never remember him.

****

One month later, Louis put his bags in the car. It was dark night and he said all his goodbyes to his mom and friends, he was leaving the whole England, he was going to Italy and he wasn’t thinking to come back.

He was going to the airport, he entered his car, he started the car, and he drove then suddenly he had to press the break.

Because right in front of him was Zayn.  
“ get out “ Zayn yelled

Louis did, be looked at Zayn “ are you crazy? I was going to hit you”

Zayn yelled back “ what are you doing? You are running away? “

“ I am not running, I can’t stay”.

Zayn yelled “ you can’t? You fucking coward”

Louis yelled back “ he doesn’t remember me”

“and you gave up? “

“there is nothing I can do”

“there is a lot to be done. You should stay, you should be here”

“and start all over again? “

“yes”.

Zayn shook his head “ I can’t believe you are doing this”  
Louis nodded, he couldn’t believe he would do this one day

He looked at Zayn “ I can’t “

Then he entered his car again, and he drove away leaving zayn shocked behind, leaving all his dreams behind, leaving a part of his soul, leaving his heart, leaving Harry.


	3. Chapter 3

Three years later, 

Louis was walking in the kitchen of the restaurant he started work in it a year ago, he just ended his shift and he wanted some sleep . He came back from Italy a year and a half when his mother was sick, he stayed by her side until she passed away and then he moved to London to start his own career. He always wanted to work in music that was his dream, he even taught Harry how to play several instruments but Harry chose the guitar, Louis did that so he can pull him to his music work when he starts. it turned out that working in this media required time, so much time to find the right opportunity, and to wait for this opportunity doing nothing was literally ending him. So he accepted whatever he had. 

Louis started to do several jobs, he never stayed in one job for more than few months , till finally he worked at a restaurant three days a week, and the other three days he worked at a tattoo shop. So basically his schedule was very busy just the way Louis wanted. He didn’t want to have time thinking about how miserable his life turned out, and he didn’t want to think about the people he lost, his mom and Harry.

“ hay Tommo” one of his co workers said, Louis was getting ready to leave, he looked at him and then his face changed into concerned look “ are you okay Jeff? “

The man who called him, Jeff shook his head “ I feel I am gonna pass out” then he swayed and  
Louis helped him to sit on the floor “ what happened? Did you even eat anything? “

Jeff was shutting his eyes “ no, and I didn't sleep good, the girl is keeping us awake me and her mom, she is killing us Louis”

Louis only smiled and patted his shoulder “ it’s hard man, I know. Tell me what can I get you? “

Jeff opened his eyes but obviously he was dizzy because again he swayed “ I have to get back out there, it’s my shift”

Louis furrowed his brows “ you can’t work like this”

Jeff took a deep breath and tried to stand but again he collapsed “ I can’t take it off either, i need the  
money”

Louis shook his head “ you need the hospital that’s what you need, your blood pressure must be too low, you can’t even stand”

Jeff shook his head “ I can’t go to the hospital Louis, maybe at my weekend “

“ you don’t have weekends”

Jeff closed his eyes again and he didn’t talk, then Louis looked around him, he saw one of the workers was putting out his aprone, he was leaving too “ Hay Tom”

The man who named Tom looked at Louis and then at Jeff “ what’s wrong with him? “

Louis sighed “ he is not feeling okay again, can you take him to the hospital “

Jeff groaned “no hospitals”

Louis looked at him “ I will cover for you so you can have all your money , just chill”

Tom walked closer and he also looked concerned “ yeah, sure”

Then he helped Jeff with Louis, Jeff looked at Louis “ I can’t thank you enough “

Louis only smiled “ just get better”

And then Jeff and Tom left the kitchen from the back door after Jeff put out his aprone. 

Louis walked to the hanger and he took his aprone again, one of the chiefs “ aren’t you leaving Tomlinson? “

Louis looked at the mid aged man and smiled “  
I am covering for Jeff”

The cheif frowned “ sick again? “

Louis nodded, the chief “ he is a poor man, I hope it is just exhaustion”

Louis tied his aprone and he then whispered “ I hope too” but he knew there was something else, Jeff was feeling shitty for two months straight now, it could not be only exhaustion

“ you are a good kid Tomlinson “ the chief said cutting a big piece of meet,

Louis looked at him and smiled “ I am not a kid”

Then he walked outside the kitchen to the restaurant, it was full now with people and Louis knew he would feel shit in the morning, but thankfully he was having the day off, so maybe feeling shit would knock him down all of the day, and Louis couldn’t ask more.

He looked at the area he was supposed to service and then he saw a single man headed to a table, so he took a menu and followed him, once the man sat Louis put the menu in front of him and put on his fake smile and said “ good evening sir”

The man looked at him and both of them gasped  
“lou? “

Louis was still frozen in his place, then he swallowed thickly and said “ Zayn? “

Zayn with wide eyes “ what are you doing here? “

“ I work here.. You live in London now? “

Zayn finally smiled “ oh man, what are the chances!! Yes I live here with... Shit” he jumped on his feet, his face turned pale and suddenly sweat beads formed on his forehead “I have to go, we can’t be here”

Louis frowned and moved closer “ Zayn are you okay? “

Zayn looked at him and looked around him hysterically “ no, I need, we need to leave.. “

Louis was going to say calm down, but instead he heard

“ Zayn? “

Louis froze in his place and looked at the man who just talked, he was standing in front of the table with wide smile 

“ finally, I am so hungry” the man continued and then he said what he looked at Zayn “ Zayn are you okay? “

Louis couldn’t stop staring, his heart was beating faster than ever and he felt the world was spinning, because right in front of him was Harry.

Harry was looking now worriedly at Zayn, he was talking to him but Louis could not hear what he was saying, Harry then looked at Louis and said something as his lips moved but again Louis wasn’t hearing, wasn’t moving, wasn’t even breathing

“... Water? “ finally Louis was snapped out of his mind, he looked at Harry, who said again “ please, don’t worry about him, he will be okay, just bring him some water”

Louis only nodded and he returned to the kitchen and then he told his co-worker that he needed a ten minutes break, he asked him to serve table number 27 and then he rushed outside the kitchen to the street from the back door, his chest tightened on him and he felt he couldn’t breath, he didn’t realize he was crying till his vision blurred and he collapsed on the ground.

He wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t ready to see him out of the sudden, he wasn’t ready to see him at all.

And what hurt the most that Harry looked fine, he looked like perfect, he even let his hair grow tall again. And of course he didn't recognize him. 

After ten minutes Louis gathered himself back, he stood up and put out one of his cigarette, he leaned on the wall and tried to stop crying. He took a big drag when he heard

“ here you are”

Louis looked beside him and again Harry was there, Louis stared at him and couldn’t speak, he didn’t believe his eyes and he didn’t trust his mind. That wasn't true

“ I was looking for you” Harry said getting closer  
No, Louis’ mind wasn’t tricking him, that was Harry, or wasn't he?

“ I want to apologise for my friend Zayn, he just had an anxiety attack.. I am so sorry if he scared you or.. Made you uncomfortable”

What the hell was he talking about? Why was he apologising for Zayn? And what was the wrong with Zayn? And why the hell was Louis crying again

Harry frowned and he put his hand on Louis’ forearm “ are you okay? Is there anything wrong? “

Louis looked at Harry’s hand and then he shook his head, he wiped his tears, it was when Harry started to cough, he then looked at Louis

“ are you sure you are fine? “ he asked again voice full with concern.

Louis shrugged “ I just had a bad day”

Harry nodded understanding, he coughed again and then be said “ I am sorry about that”

Then Louis remembered about Harry’s asthma, he threw his cigarette down and he killed it by his shoe, Harry looked grateful and said again “ anyway, I am so sorry again about my friend “

Louis shook his head “ not your fault, will he be okay? “

Harry sighed “ well, it is my fault . But I hope he will be okay one day” Louis had no clue what he meant by this but he just nodded

Harry chewed his Lower lip “ you know, everything is going to be okay, remember that”

Louis only chuckled, Harry had no idea that nothing would be okay again, not unless he remembered him which was impossible obviously .

“ one day, you will remember these days and laugh about . When every thing works the way you want”

Again Harry had no idea what he was talking about, Louis only nodded and smiled to Harry. He didn’t change after all, he still kept his soft part towards strangers, and it hit Louis because now Louis was a stranger

“ I am harry Styles by the way” he said stretching his hand, and Louis panicked. Shall he say his name? Had anyone told Harry about his story?

Louis took the had shake and said “ Louis...Tomlinson”

Harry only smiled “ nice to meet you Louis Tomlinson “

And Louis breathed. it kind of killed him though , he didn’t expect something else but seeing it with his own eyes, seeing that  
Harry was completely clueless really hurt that he started to feel the sting again in his eyes. 

Harry was looking at him but his smiles dropped “ I hope you will be okay soon”

Louis had to bite his lower lip and only nodded, he wiped his tears again when Harry’s phone went off, and then a car showed from behind and it gave a horn.

Harry looked at his phone and then at the car he said “ I have to go, my car is here.. Besides I have to calm Zayn”

Louis only nodded again and Harry walked away , but before he entered his car he looked at Louis one more time and smiled. Then he disappeared. Louis gave the breath he was holding. And how hard fate could be sometime.

Louis literally struggled to get back again to the restaurant, he kept reminding himself he was doing it for Jeff, he had to do it for Jeff. It was hard to focus and it was the hardest battle to draw a smile on his face instead of the threatening tears that were standing at the corner of his eyes ready to fall freely. 

****

Louis didn’t tell anyone about that meeting, he didn’t tell Liam when he called him at the same night, he didn’t tell his sisters when he met them the next week, he didn’t tell anyone because he knew it would never happen again.

Louis entered the restaurant kitchen at the morning, still holding his Starbucks coffee when he saw  
Jiff sitting there by himself a hand covering his face  
Louis frowned, Jiff was okay ever since his last visit to the doctors, they made him some blood tests and they told him he needed to rest a little.

“ are you okay there mate? “ Louis asked walking to him.

Jiff looked at him but he looked awful, red eyes, red nose “ were you crying? “ Louis asked shockingly.

Jiff pressed his fingers on his eyes and took a deep breath “ my life is crashing down Louis”

Louis frowned “ what happened? Is lily okay? “

Jiff shook his head “ she is not gonna be okay when she lose her father”

“ Jiff, what is happening? “ Louis almost shouted 

Jiff looked at him “ I have a brain tumour”

Louis narrowed his eyes “what!! “, “ two days ago, I was playing with Lily and then I collapsed again, they moved me to the hospital, they did me some tests again and then they asked me to do CT.  
Today they told me about it Louis. It’s big, it’s bad, and it’s inoperable”

Louis was feeling angry and panicked , he didn’t know what to say exactly, Jiff continued “ the worst part is, it’s going to affect my memory” he looked at Louis with tears on his cheeks “ I will forget everything Louis, I will forget my daughter, my wife. I will forget I lived happily.. I will lose everything “ then he sobbed.

Louis moved and hugged him, Jiff sobbed “can you imagine this? I will have nothing there Louis... Nothing “

And no, Louis couldn’t imagine. He never looked at it from this perspective. He was only thinking how awful his life had turned, he never looked at if from Harry’s eyes. How he felt when he wake up and there was nothing.

“ it will be okay, you will be okay”

Jiff was still sobbing “ I don’t wanna forget, I don’t wanna forget my wife and daughter louis”

Louis nodded “ I know, I know”

And maybe now he knew, he knew about how Harry felt, how Harry was also battling like he did. 

Louis was throwing the rubbish when he heard “ hello there”

He knew the voice, but not again?

He turned his back and there was standing Harry  
“ what are you doing here? “ Louis asked, he didn’t want him again. He finally started to be alright since the last time

Harry’s smile dropped “ was passing by, so I said I might say hi to a friend”

“ we are not friends” Louis said with a frown on his face

Harry’s face turned pale, he swallowed thickly “ yeah.. I am.. Yeah sorry” he stuttered and was leaving when Louis hastily said

“ I am sorry, I am sorry... That was rude”

Harry stopped and looked at him, Louis “ another bad day” he shrugged

Harry only nodded

“ let’s try it again”Louis said and gave him his back 

Harry smiled and shook his head “ okay, hi”

Louis turned his back and pretended shocked “ oh, Harry? “

Harry giggled “ Louis? “

Louis held his smile “ yeah, what are you doing here? “

Harry shrugged “ was only passing by, that’s it”

“that’s it? “ he pretended hurt “ didn’t want to say hi to a friend? “

Harry looked around him “ friend? What friend? “

Louis giggled “ okay I deserve it”

Harry only giggled, then Louis walked closer “ but seriously, what are you doing here? "

Harry sighed “ I actually wanted to see you”

Louis narrowed his eyes, Harry shrugged “ i mean, last time you weren’t in a good place, and I kind of didn’t stop thinking about you.. I mean you were sad”

Louis only nodded “ yeah, I was”

“ so, better now? “

Louis only shrugged “ not so much. I mean my life isn’t working at the moment “

Harry nodded, and all Louis wanted right now was just keep staring at Harry and keep talking

He then asked “ listen... Do you have anything to do now? “

Harry shook his head and Louis knew he would regret this, but he could not help his heart. Maybe some happiness with Harry was better than no happiness at all. 

“ I am having my break, so... We can you know drink something? “

Harry nodded excitedly “ yeah, sure”

Louis smiled “ there is a coffee shop at the corner”

Harry frowned “ you mean not here, at the same restaurant you are working at? “

Louis smiled and then he whispered “ they make the perfect coffee there, oilur coffee isn't good as them”

Harry giggled and whispered “ let’s go before they can see you traitor”

Louis laughed and they walked

****

At the coffee shop, Louis and Harry were sitting drinking coffee.

Harry took his last sip and said “ that’s the best coffee I could ever taste, how did you know i like it this way”

Louis only shrugged “ lucky guess”

But how could he forget, Harry liked Mocha, he was ordering it anywhere, with some whipped Cream and chocolate sous, so no Louis couldn’t forget.

Harry laughed “ good guessing”

Louis nodded smiling “ thank you, I am gifted”

Harry again laughed “maybe I need you to chose me my main dish too”

Alfredo pasta, but Louis didn’t say. He only nodded “ yeah, I am at your service”

Harry nodded looking at his eyes, then he broke the eye contact “ so, what is bothering you, how your life isn’t working at the moment if I may ask? "

Louis swallowed hard “ I am.. My friend has a brain tumour”

“oh God” Harry gasped and looked at him with wide eyes

Louis nodded “ yeah, awful news. He has a little baby girl. And the doctor told him that it will affect his memory and he is freaking out”

Harry only nodded and looked at the empty cup  
Louis didn’t know what happened, but he continued “ he is afraid to forget his family”

Harry nodded “ it’s gonna be hard”

Louis was watching Harry, and he didn’t talk  
Harry looked at him “ and it will be a struggle for the people around him too, he needs you right now. He needs his friends and beloved family to surround him and give him all the support he needs. You can’t let him lose hope”

Louis nodded “ did you? “ his suddenly asked

“what? “Harry asked

Louis faked a cough, because he knew exactly what Harry meant “i mean ever, did you ever lose hope? “

Harry took a deep sigh “ I guess I did. That’s why my friend Zayn is having his attacks”

Louis narrowed his eyes waiting for more, he didn’t understand. 

Harry shook his head “ I had a bad accident few years ago. I wake up with no memory of my last three years”

Louis couldn’t talk, he could not even breath

Harry continued “ my life turned up side down and I tried but I guess not hard enough because I collapsed..  
And I did something stupid. Zayn found me... “ he looked shyly down 

And Louis suddenly gasped, did he understood it right?  
Harry looked at him “ don’t worry, it happened long time ago. I am fine now. After that day...when I left the hospital I took an oath that I will start living my life the way I should. I let the past for the past and I created my own future”

Harry tried to kill himself, his Harry?

Harry then smiled, and Louis’ eyes were full of tears now, but he had to hide it from Harry, he had to fake his feelings, he had to control his breathing now or Harry would notice

Harry said “ so I believe in second chances. I believe you can be whatever you want when you let the things that hold you back”

Louis nodded “ I am so sorry to hear that”

Harry nodded “ thank you, I was feeling sorry too about myself. I hated my life and i hated how confused I was. I showered my family with question after question and they were a great support, so as my friends but the more I asked the bad I felt. So when I gathered my shit back I decided to live”

Louis smiled “ what did you do? “

Harry sighed “ before my accident, I was studying for my business degree, but like many things I lost my three years for nothing. So I had no job, no education, just nothing. And one day I looked at the guitar that was lying beside my bed, I took it and I surprised myself that I still can remember how to play,although I learned to play during these lost three years. My doctor said it’s something about my muscle memory or whatever , but whatever it is, I am grateful. So I took the guitar and then I moved between night clubs and restaurants playing. Till one day someone was listening and he offered me a job in music “

Louis smiled shocked, Harry nodded smiling “ yea, so that guitar actually saved my life. The one who taught me how to play actually saved me”

Louis nodded then asked carefully “ did you know who? “

Harry nodded “ not exactly, but I guess my ex”

Louis froze for a minute then he said “ your ex? “

Harry nodded with sad eyes “ I mean I am not sure, I tried to ask my friends about him, but they all kept it as a secret. Then one day mom told me that I had someone and we broke up months before the accident and he had to leave the whole country.. We lost connection so I am sure he doesn’t know about me”

Then he chuckled “ it’s really bad, I tried to find any picture but nothing so I guess it was a bad break up. The funny part is I don’t even know how he looks so if we met again I might fall in love with him one more time” then he laughed louder this time. Louis again froze staring at him, the only thing that snapped him out of staring was Harry’s phone ringing

Harry looked at it and his smile faded, and a frown was replaced, then he answered “hello... “

Then he looked at Louis and tried to smile “ yes baby I am okay, miss you though”

Louis’ face turned white, Harry was in love?

Harry then sighed “ okay, I know.. Two days left I am waiting, yes bye”

Then he put the phone down, he was looking at Louis narrowing his eyes “ everything okay? “

Louis nodded, and he fought now to say this “ your boyfriend? “

Harry nodded smiling “ yup. He is out of town at the moment, he is coming in two days”

Louis slowly nodded, then he completed his interrogation “ when did you meet?”

Harry was thinking “we met two years ago.. But we are together eight months. Remember the one I told you helped me in music...it’s him”

Louis tried to smile surprised “ that’s.. Wow”

Harry giggled “ I know”, then he looked at his phone again “ but I have to go”

Louis frowned then nodded, he also had to go “ yeah, me too”

Then he stood up and so as Louis, together they walked outside the cafe, and then Harry stopped and looked at Louis “ so when can I see you again? “

Louis wanted to say never. He wanted to save himself the heartache, he wanted to save himself the pain. But he said “ I have a day off next Wednesday”

Harry smiled and then his smile dropped “ oh Wednesday is when Nick is coming”

Louis didn’t ask but harry answered anyway “ boyfriend... So not working”

Louis nodded smiling, but he did not talk

Harry didn’t walk away either he asked “ you are working at that restaurant daily? “

Louis shook his head “ no, I work at a tattoo shop Friday’s and Mondays”

Harry looked at him excited “ no shit.. Which one? “

Louis smiled, Harry never wanted to ink himself, although he had couple of tattoos he did matching Louis's but it was only for Louis’ sake, it wasn’t his game.

Louis answered “ it’s called orange... It’s around.. “

“I know where is it, I actually got myself one there, don’t remember seeing you”

Louis shrugged “ must be not my day”

Harry smiled “ well, that’s epic. I might pass by again and paint something.. “

Louis nodded “ yeah, maybe”

Harry said walking away “ so, till we meet”

Harry waved his hands and nodded till Harry walked away and took the turn and disappeared.

Louis returned to the restaurant but with a new feeling this time. He felt hope. He knew he would see Harry again. Harry who had now a boyfriend. Harry was who still not remembering him. His first and true love. His ex. 


	4. Chapter 4

Louis didn’t feel well since he opened his eyes that day, he knew it was going to be long and boring day, but again he had to keep going. 

When he was at the middle of serving in the restaurant, he saw Jiff entering the restaurant, he was shocked, Jiff took a week off after passing out at the middle of the restaurant last week.

Louis walked directly to him “ Jiff, what brings you here? “

Jiff looked at him “ I actually came to talk to you”

Louis frowned “ sure lad, I am having my break in half an hour, you can wait for me in the kitchen “

Jiff nodded and he headed to the kitchen, Louis’ heart twisted, his friend looked very bad, he lost a lot of weight and he lost the smile on his face too.

*****  
Louis and Jiff were talking outside the restaurant, Jiff was leaning in the wall and he refused to even have a cup of tea

“I am having a surgery next week”

“what surgery? “ asked Louis with concerns

Jiff sighed “ it’s growing fast, and it started to affect my sight too. I don’t know Tommo but.. “ he took a deep shaking breath then said “ I don’t think I am gonna make it”

“ hay, what are you talking about? “ Louis said frowning “ you are just sacred, and it’s okay to be scared. I mean I hate hospital myself but you should have some hope”

Jiff shook his head “ no, I feel it.. “ he put his hand on his heart “ I feel it, I know it”

“ stop talking this way”

“ Louis.. Hear me out, I am having some money I saved.. It is not much but it’s something, if anything happened to me I need you to watch over my daughter “  
Louis narrowed his eyes “ nothing will happen to you, and where in Kailey? “

Jiff shook his head and he looked down “ she left me”

“what? “

Jiff shrugged then he cried “ I woke up three days ago and she wasn’t there, she left me a piece of paper telling me she can’t stay with me when I am sick, we are too poor and this is not what she wanted for her life. She doesn’t want to raise the kid alone with no money”

Louis couldn’t believe that this could actually happen, this kind of mother actually do exist “ I am sorry, I am so sorry”

Jiff shook his head “ no, no.. Don’t. I would ask anyone but I have no one. If I died you can... You can.. Put her in adoption” then he sobbed

Louis hugged him really tight, he was in tears too “ nothing will happen to you, hay. Hay.. “ Jiff looked at him, Louis continued “ I promise you, if anything happens I will take care of her, I will watch over her, I will adopt her”

Jiff shook his head “ you can’t, you are not married “

“I should be married? “ Louis asked with a brow raised   
Jiff shrugged, Louis sighed “ okay, then I will marry and adopt her”

Jiff smiled, Louis “I will”

Jiff sighed and wiped his tears “ thank you, thank you so much Louis.. I don’t know how to repay you”

Louis sighed and patted his shoulder “ hay man, just get getter for us okay”

Jiff nodded, Louis “ when is the surgery? “

“next Wednesday “

Louis nodded “I will be there”

Jiff nodded and then he looked at his watch “ I have to go, my baby is with my neighbour”

Louis nodded and he watched Jiff leaving. He wiped his tears too and then he entered back to the restaurant.

Then he saw him, laughing and talking with someone on the table in the corner. And then Harry saw him and he smiled widely, called his name.

Louis took a deep breath and he walked to harry  
“ I thought you weren’t here” harry said “ I asked for you when I came”

Louis smiled “ I was just outside with a friend”

Harry nodded and then he said “ this is Nick, my boyfriend “ Louis looked at Nick who was looking at Louis upside down.

Louis nodded and said “ welcome sir”

Harry said “ hay, we are now friends, call him Nick”

Louis only nodded and then Nick said “ will you take our order? “

Louis nodded but when he looked at harry the smile on his face was gone.

Nick and Harry made their orders, but when Louis returned with it, Nick created an argument that this order wasn’t what he asked for. Louis tried to tell him that it was , but Nick insisted to make it bigger and bigger, although Harry tried to lighten the mood, he tried to calm his boyfriend but Nick still asked for the manger.

When the manager came, he stood in front of Harry’s table while Louis was standing behind him  
“ what could be wrong sir? “

Nick looked at him “ this is not my order”

The manger “ okay, we will change it right away”

Nick looked at Louis “ well, that’s not what he said”

Louis talked “ well, that’s because that’s your order”

His manger glared at him, and then he looked at Nick with a fake smile “ this mistake will never happen again”

Nick snorted “we will never come back again”

Louis looked at harry who was looking down, face red and eyes looking down at a spot he avoided looking at anyone, or participate in this conversation 

The manger “ Sir, we honestly will watch out the next time”

Nick said “you should watch who you hire if you want to keep the reputation of this place” Louis took a deep angry breath and didn’t talk, Nick looked at him “ do you have something to say” Louis looked again at his manager and then he shook his head.

His manager said “ you can go now Louis”

Louis huffed and walked back to the kitchen, he was already in a bad mood, Jiff was dying, Harry showed back in a relation with an asshole.

His manger followed him “what the hell happened Tomlinson “

Louis looked at him “ it is his fucking order! ”

The manger sighed “ he said you weren’t paying attention “

Louis rolled his eyes, the manager continued “ he said you were flirting with his boyfriend “

Louis snapped his head to his manger “ he said that”

His manager kept looking at him, Louis sighed “I wasn’t flirting, I already know him, he is an old friend...i mean he is a friend “

His manger huffed “ don’t get closer to him or his boyfriend again as long as they are here”

Louis nodded and then went out of the kitchen to the restaurant again, but this time he ignored Harry’s table, he watched him from a distance and he could see how hurt and sad he became.

Louis had to ignore the table till they stood up to leave, when Harry was wearing his coat, he saw Louis looking at him but Louis had to look away and move back to the kitchen. Although it hurt but Louis couldn't lose his job now, specially now.  
*****

It was the next day when Louis was in the tattoo shop, it was late and he was already exhausted when he heard “are you closing soon? “

Louis looked away from his phone and looked at Harry   
“ hello harry”

Harry sighed “ I know you are mad, I know I caused you troubles last night, but Nick is.. he is not always like that”

Louis shook his head “ no, he was probably right”

he wasn’t

“I might had brought him the wrong order “

No he didn’t

But Harry was watching him, then he nodded “ can I have a tattoo? “

Louis shrugged “ does he know where you are? “

Harry smiled “ it doesn’t matter. I am not gonna cause you trouble I swear”

Louis nodded with a smile too “do you know what you want? “

Harry shook his head “ I will know when I see it”

Louis nodded “ okay, come here”

Louis took him to a small room, he gave him a book full of drawings and he asked him to choose, and he went to bring the gun and the equipment.

When he returned he found Harry shirtless and sitting on the chair where Louis will work on him “ I chose one”

Louis stared at him for a second and then he felt dizzy, he was going to sit beside Harry and he was going to touch him. Touch Harry again.

He walked and sat beside him and tried to act normally “ what did you chose? “

Harry showed him what he picked, and it was a butterfly

Louis nodded and didn’t say a word, then he looked at Harry’s hands and chest and they were fill with tattoos, and he remembered the two birds and the rose, the Eagle and couple more on his hands, now his hands were full of tattoos Louis had no idea about them  
“ you love having tattoos on you? “ he said while preparing his stuff

Harry looked at himself “ yeah, do you like them? “

Louis looked at him and checked them one more time “ yeah, do they have stories? “

Harry nodded “only the ones I remember"

Louis frowned, Harry continued “ I mean I don’t know why I have this rose, or that ship, and that anchor” he said while looking deeply at each one of them. 

Louis could tell him the story behind every single one of them, Louis did them himself with his own hands. But instead he said “ you can’t remember “

Harry shook his head

Louis nodded “ okay, where do you want the butterfly? “

Harry pointed at the middle of his chest “ right here”

Louis swallowed thickly “ why here? “

Harry shrugged, Louis nodded, he started working on it and then he asked “ does it have a story? “

Harry was looking at his chest “ maybe”

Louis looked at him then at his chest again “ aren’t you gonna tell me? “

Harry smiled “ you will make fun of me”

Louis chuckled “ have you met me? I have couple of tattoos that their stories will make your eyes cry from laughing”

“ really? I want to see them”

“I will show you later”

Harry sighed then said “ I feel like I am a prisoner, like in my mind. I feel like there is a huge thing that is missing in me, and I am trying so hard to find it”

Louis stopped working and looked at his eyes, Harry shrugged “ I know he is someone, because I keep having those hazy dreams about someone. In all my dreams I can’t see his face but I feel...  
Safe”

Louis’ heart twisted then he had to cut the eye contact, he swallowed again and started his work again “ do you think he is your ex? “

“ I don’t know. I never told anyone.. I mean I tried to have a photo of him, mom doesn't want to show me, she says she doesn’t have any, I lost my phone at the accident, my friends never spoke about him, I asked Zayn and he promised to get me one but he just kept running away every time I asked , so eventually I stopped”

Louis nodded, he remembered Telling zayn that, he asked Zayn not to show harry any picture of him, he didn’t want harry to look for him.

Harry sighed “ sometimes I think he might be dead?”

Louis froze, Harry said “You know that’s why they are trying so hard to keep me away from him”

Louis looked at him “ would you like to meet him? “

Harry looked at him “ maybe, I don’t know. I mean I still have to thank him for teaching me music”

Louis smiled while focusing on the painting he was doing on Harry’s body

“so how is your friend? The one who will lose his memory “

Louis shook his head “ he is bad, he is having a surgery next Wednesday, he is scared and depressed. His wife and the love his life left him with a five month baby girl. And he believes he will die”

“oh god”

“yesterday he came and asked me to take care of his daughter if anything happened to him. I promised him I will adopt her”

“wow, will you? “

Louis smiled “ I should be married to adopt a baby”

Harry frowned “ is it? ”

Louis nodded “ it is... I don’t know how to help him. I feel so sorry for him”

Harry nodded “ I can imagine. I hope the surgery goes okay”

Louis nodded

Then Harry said “ so, you like kids? “

Louis smiled “ I have other six siblings, I am the oldest”

Harry giggled, Louis “ don’t move”

Harry was still smiling “ sorry” then he said “ but six? “

Louis nodded “ all girls and one boy”

Harry impressed “ amazing”

“ yeah, mom got divorced more than one time so I helped”

Harry sighed “ mine too, I mean my father left us when I was a kid and mom met Robin. He is my stepdad.  
But he is amazing, he is more than a father to me”

Louis knew that, actually he knew also that Robin was dead one year before the accident  
“ I mean he was. Obviously he died and I can’t remember “

Louis nodded still looking at Harry’s butterfly. “ I am sorry “

Harry nodded, and said nothing. Then Louis looked at Harry’s scar, where his kidney was removed and transplanted in Louis’ body

“ I lost a kidney”

Louis looked at him, Harry smiled “ the scar you were looking at, it is from my surgery”

Louis frowned “ why? “

Harry sighed “ it happened also at those three years. And I don’t know why, my sister told me that I signed myself in transplantation program, and that’s how It went”

Louis looked at him “ you donated it? “

Harry shrugged “ obviously, I mean that’s the only explanation I have”

Louis smiled “ you are a good man harry styles ”

Harry smiled “ thanks Louis tomlinson “

Then they stopped talking for a minute before harry said “ it is what it is”

Louis looked at him “ huh? “

“ I can see it through your shirt”

Louis looked at his tattoo that was under his neck on his collarbone “ yeah”

Harry then said “ I like your dagger... It matches my rose”

Louis’ heart heated fast, Harry continued “ and that campus it could work with my ship” then he giggled but Louis was still frozen

Harry looked at him “ are you okay? “

Louis stood up “ I need some water” and he rushed outside the room.

When he returned back, Harry stopped talking about their matching tattoos, Louis focused on painting on him and when he finished, he asked Harry to dress up and then he left the room.

*******  
When Harry went outside the room, he looked at Louis who was busy with some papers in front of him   
Harry walked closer and asked 

“did I do something wrong? “

Louis looked at him, and then he sighed “ no, it’s not you. I... I had a boyfriend before and we actually had matched tattoos together “

Harry frowned “ what happened to him? “

Louis looked at him and then he said “ we broke up, he left the country”

“ you still love him”

Louis finally broke the eye contact “ I guess I do, but that doesn’t matter now”

“why? “

Louis shrugged “ I knew recently that he was in love with someone else”

“auch”

Louis smiled “so when you talked about the matched tattoos I remembered.. And I started to think about him and I couldn’t stop”

Harry nodded and then he smiled “ maybe that’s the only good thing of having an amnesia”

Louis also smiled and said “ maybe”

Harry sighed “ so, how much I owe you”

Louis shook his head “ no it’s on the house, but don’t remove the bandage for the next two days... “

“I know I know, and thank you"

Then he was walking out, he stopped and looked at Louis “ when can we meet again? “

Louis sighed “ Harry, I don’t think it’s a good idea”

“why? “

“I don’t think your boyfriend likes this”

Harry looked down and he nodded then he walked away without saying a word.

****  
It was Wednesday evening, Louis was in the hospital, and Jeff died.

And Louis felt panicking, he cried like a baby, he locked himself in the hospital bathroom, then he heard the door was knocked and a familiar voice asking him to open, when Louis opened the door he saw Harry right in front of him, he hugged him tightly and Louis found himself sobbing really hard on his shoulder. 

He cried and Harry let him, he rubbed his back, he was trying to calm him, then suddenly Louis looked at him

“ how did you get here? “


	5. Chapter 5

When Louis opened his eyes he was on his bed, in his flat, alone.

He looked around him wondering what could wake him up and then he heard it, the door bell.

He left his bed and walked slowly to the door, he wasn’t expecting anyone anyway, so he thought maybe he was hallucinate, but again he heard the bell. 

He opened the door and he saw a stranger woman looking at him and she was holding a baby

“ excuse me, are you Louis Tomlinson? “ he was smiling nervously 

Louis looked between her and the baby and he nodded slowly, she nodded and looked at the baby sadly “ I am so sorry to wake you this early, but I am Jeff’s neighbour Sarah Cameron , and he gave me your address before leaving to the surgery”

Louis nodded his head “ yes... Er.. He is.. He died last night”

The lady looked at him and sighed with sad eyes “ I know... I called the hospital and they told me. I am so sorry. He was a good man”

Louis nodded and he was trying to hold back his tears “ he was”

Then she reached her hand to give him the baby “ I would love to keep her really, but.. I am a busy woman with a big family of my own... “

Louis took the baby immediately “ yeah, yeah..don’t worry about it, really.. I am sorry I should took her last night... But I guess I wasn’t thinking clearly " he didn't even know how the hell he got back to his flat. 

She smiled while giving him the bag “ I just fed her and changed her diaper" then she gave a long breath and looked at him "I am really sorry Mr Tomlinson “

He tried to smile while looking at the girl “ thank you so much”

She squeezed his forearm softly and then she left.

Louis closed the door and he took a deep breath, he looked at the little baby and he kissed her on the forehead, he felt so sorry for her. After all she was a little baby having no clue that she was an orphan now and her mother just disappeared.

Louis was going to put the baby on the bed when the door bell rang again, he walked to open the  
door wondering what could the lady forgot.

When he opened the door it was the last one Louis expected, it was Harry

Harry looked at him with a soft smile, he was holding two cups of coffee and a brown bag must was filled with breakfast

“ good morning? “he said looking at the baby with a wondering eyes

Louis smiled, he started to connect the links together “ get in”

Harry entered and closed the door behind him, Louis said “ she is Jeff’s daughter Lilly , she was with his neighbour who is obviously not welcoming her”

Harry was looking at the baby with a huge smile, he put the cups and the bag on the table beside the door and he took the baby from him, he said to him looking at the baby “ I brought breakfast “

He was playing with the baby, then he looked at Louis who was staring at Harry remembering how Harry used to be with his younger twins

“ how are you feeling? “ Harry asked looking at him

Louis took a deep breath “ I don’t know, I mean better than yesterday.. But I don’t know what to do” he looked at the baby

“ you should call her mother.. She must know that the father is dead now, she maybe change her mind”

Louis shook his head “ she knew he was dying and yet she left, she didn’t care and she won’t care  
now”

Harry looked at the baby “I don’t know how could she do that? How did she love him and then she left that easy? She left him when he needed her more than anyone, and what about her baby! ” harry said that last sentence looking at Louis

Louis heart twisted, he felt like Harry was talking about him, Harry was questioning him, how could he left Harry when Harry needed him more than anyone.

“ you must eat something, go ahead I can take care of her”

Louis smiled “ you can? “

Harry sighed and looked at the baby “ I don’t remember doing it before, but I guess I can” And yes he could, he had done this before a lot with and without Louis.

Louis only walked to grab his coffee, he couldn’t face him right now.  
******  
Louis was in the kitchen, he was on his phone dialling a number he had from last week. It was Jiff’s stepmother, Louis decided he would do one try to find the mother, if she didn’t want the girl, he would keep his promise and he would try to adopt her. He didn’t think clearly about it but right now that was all he could think about

“ hello? “ a woman answered

Louis took a deep breath “ hello, Mrs Thomas? “

“ yes? “

“this is Louis tomlinson, I am a friend of your daughter keily ”

The woman didn’t talk, Louis continued “ actually I am a friend of her husband, do you have any idea where she is? “

“ no, I don’t know about her or her husband years ago. How can I help you sir? “ he sounded annoyed 

Louis was nervous he could not hide it “ well, Jeff.. Your daughter's husband died last night”

“oh my god.. What happened? “ she got nervous suddenly 

“ he was sick and he had to do a surgery that was very risky but the only option, so he didn’t make it” he wiped his tear “ but your daughter had disappeared a week ago”

The woman toon a second to answer “ I don’t know where she is”

Louis sighed “ do you know they have a baby girl? “

“what? “ the woman nearly shouted

“ yup, five months now, your daughter actually left her to her dying husband when she disappeared..  
And now I have her”

“let me guess.. You are calling to give me the girl”َ

Louis didn’t talk, the woman sighed “ listen son… I don’t know where my daughter is, we are not talking since forever now, and I don’t care if she- “

“listen woman… I am not calling you to take the baby, I can take care of her. I am just being a human and tell you about your blood, but obviously you don’t give a damn” he chuckled angrily “ I was wondering where your daughter got her awful manners ,I guess now I know”

Then he ended the call, he tossed the phone to the table violently, he looked in front and he saw Harry looking at him with big eyes

Louis huffed “ that was the grandmother.. It runs in the family”

Harry nodded and sat beside him “ she is sleeping”

Louis nodded and smiled, that what Harry always did, like he was gifted or something, every time if he carried a baby, the baby would sleep.

“ she likes you” Louis said

Harry smiled “ so, what will you do now?”

Louis took a deep breath “ I don’t know, I should go to the hospital and finish some papers, I should make some calls with funeral houses.. And I should take some days off… fuck.. “

“ didn't he have any family? “

Louis slowly shook his head “ he was a lonely child, his parents died when he was young.. I never heard any thing about any relatives “

“ then go.. I will stay with the baby”

“what are you talking about? And we didn’t talk about last night, what were you doing there? “

Harry smiled “ we will talk later, and I have nothing to do. So I can wait here or take her to my house and you can come later and take her.. Anything really is fine by me”

Louis was listening to him, then he said “ no, I can’t… why? “

Harry shrugged “ I am just helping a friend… go. Don’t worry.. You have my number you can call me anytime “

“ I don’t have your number “

Harry smiled “ I put it in your phone last night”

“what the hell happened happened last night” Louis said rubbing his face trying to remember. Cause last thi g he remembered seeing Harry's face. 

“ you had a panic attack that’s as a start”

Louis looked at him “ and then? “

Harry shrugged “ we will talk later, I promise.. You go to the hospital.. I called someone and he told me everything is fixed.. All you have to do is fill some papers” he then gave him some pamphlets “ those are some good funeral homes .. I already made some calls and they are waiting for you”

Louis was watching him frowning, Harry shrugged “ I am an active person, I woke up early and I know that you will be busy… so I was trying to help”

Louis tried to smile, but he couldn’t, he cried. He cried because he remembered Harry, that what Harry would exactly do, help him this way. It hurt because although he lost his memory he was the same person. 

Harry patted his thigh “ go… take a shower and go.. We will be fine”

Louis didn’t move, Harry sighed “ listen… I know I am not perfect with kids but I think I can survive, I remember my aunt was leaving her son with me and Gemma so I think I can make it today..  
And if you don’t want me to stay here which is totally understood I can take her out and… “ 

“shut up Harry”

Harry stopped talking, Louis looked down because he was so emotional now “ what about your boyfriend? “

Harry shrugged and looked down avoiding him“ not in the town”

Louis nodded, he was disappointed, Harry was seeing him only when his boyfriend wasn’t in town, but again that was enough right? What did he expect.

“ go… “ Harry said again.

*****

Obviously Harry’s phone calls were very helpful. He didn’t expect to finish all the hospital procedures that easily. He was filling the last paper when one of the hospital workers showed up and stood by him and when Louis finished the applications he gave it to him. 

The man looked at Louis “ would you like to say goodbye? “

Louis didn’t expect that, he looked at him shockingly   
The man said “ it’s okay if you can’t… A lot of people love to say their goodbyes”

Louis found himself nodding, the man guided him to where the body was at the morgue and then he left Louis alone with him.

Louis looked at the pale body and he closed his eyes and he took a deep breath, his full body was shaking and he wasn't breathing regularly. he then looked down he couldn’t see his face again

“ don’t worry about Lilly. I promise you she will be okay.. And safe” he sniffed , then he shook his head “ do you remember.. Harry? He is back… and he is watching your daughter right now” he chuckled “ I guess he showed at the right time.. But jiff I don’t know what to do.. I don’t know if I should tell him or not.. I need him” then he looked at Jiff again and then he closed his eyes, no he couldn’t do that. He couldn't see his friend face

“ so yeah.. Don’t worry”

And he almost ran outside, he leaned at the wall beside the morgue and he didn’t cry, he was doing his best not to cry

The same man showed holding a small envelope “ are you okay? “

Louis nodded, then the man said “ he left you something.. “ he gave him the envelope.

Louis looked confused at the man then he took the envelope from him, he slowly opened it and it was a letter

“ hello buddy,  
If you reading this it only means I couldn’t make it, please don’t be sad, I was kind of expecting that. I just want you to take care of my daughter, I know you said you will adopt her but I can’t ask you this. I want you to put her on adoption, I have talked to number of good orphanage houses, and I left you the addresses and the numbers, I would love you to check on them and pick the best for her. Also about my bank account, I talked to them and they are waiting for you, I want you to sell everything I own and put the money in the account and I want you to open a new one by her name. I want to thank you so much Louis for everything you did and still doing. Don’t forget me my best friend   
And an advice from a dead friend, look for your love, I am sure he will forgive the minute he knows you.   
All the love   
JIFF”

Louis folded the letter and he was crying now, he couldn’t control himself and he was in so much pain.   
He ran outside the hospital while the hospital worker was calling his name but he needed some fresh  
air. 

He stopped when he was outside the hospital, and he leaned on his knees. He was thinking of one thing.  
He picked his phone and he called him

“ hello Louis.. “ his cheerful voice answered

“Harry.. “ Louis whispered

“ what happened? Are you okay? “

Louis shook his head and he pressed his palm in his eye “ yeah.. I am fine. Just checking on you”

Harry laughed “ we are more than great. I fed her and changed her diaper and it was awful Lou, how could a baby like this produce all that shit.. I almost throw up I swear” then he laughed “ anyway.. I asked a friend to come and help, is that okay? She is perfect with babies.. And she will help? “

Louis was smiling “ okay, yeah it’s fine "

“are you sure you are okay? “ Harry asked again

Louis nodded, and took a deep breath “ now I am okay. I will call you later again” 

“ okay.. Take care” and Louis ended the call.

He closed his eyes, and he felt all the pain in his heart was fading away, Harry’s voice was something else, Harry was with him during that hard time and that what really mattered  
******  
Louis finishes all the arrangement about the funeral and again Harry’s phone calls have saved a lot of efforts and time.

When he finished it was already the night, he opened the door of his flat and he heard voices coming from the kitchen then Harry came out of it

“ here you are.. How are you? “ he asked

Louis smiled “ I am very exhausted… but everything is done. The funeral is after tomorrow morning “

Harry nodded “ yeah.. I am sorry”

Then Louis froze, because just behind Harry was standing Gigi, Zayn’ ex girlfriend. But what was she doing here

Harry also looked behind him and he said “ oh, this is Gigi, one of my best friends.. And she is Zayn’s fiance”

Gigi was having the same look on her face, then the baby cried. Harry sighed “ I will get her”

Then he moved inside

Gigi suddenly looked at him angrily “ that was you!! fuck Louis what are you doing? “ she whispered shouting at him

He shrugged, but he was also nervous as much as she was “ I am doing nothing really.. “

She shook her head “ nothing? He is watching your baby for God sake, and he is enjoying this”

“ she is not my baby”

She now snapped “ Louis.!!“

He sighed “ I am not trying to do anything, he keeps showing up at my door, I don’t know what to do”

“ well, make him stop” she said while entering the kitchen and then she grabbed her bag

She looked at him “ he is having a boyfriend, he is doing okay… what are you trying to do? “

Louis leaned on the counter he was surprisingly calm now, he again shrugged “ I am not trying to do anything “

She looked at the ground trying to calm down, he smiled “ so you and Zayn? “

She looked at him but obviously she was still angry “yes.. And he is not gonna like it. I mean he freaked out when he saw you.. So what do you think will happen when he knows you are meeting ? “

Louis sighed “ listen Gigi.. I am having a really bad day.. So can we please stop being angry at each other for now"

She was looking at him, then she shook her head in disbelief

“ she wants another bottle”Harry said while getting inside, then he stopped and looked at Gigi “ are you leaving? “

She nodded “ yeah… I am so sorry, I have to go Zayn called”

Harry nodded, then his phone went off too, Louis took the baby and Harry fished his phone out of his pocket, he looked at the ID and said “ I have to pick this”

Then he moved out of the kitchen, Louis was still watching him when Gigi said “ God.. You still have that look”

He looked at her “ what look? “

She walked closer “ the look you always had when you see him”

He looked down, she continued “ Louis.. He had enough suffering.. Please Stop this before it turns into something big and serious “

He knew what she meant and he also knew she had a point, he nodded to her slowly and then he said “ thank you”

She finally smiled softly “ I owe you, remember “

He smiled, and then she hugged him and the baby and said “ I am glad you are okay”

******

Then she left the kitchen, he heard her talking to Harry and then he heard the door was closed.

Then Harry showed back to the kitchen, but his face was a little different, more serious and more stressed

“ so.. I made you some food” Harry started, and Louis looked at him with big eyes, Harry shrugged  
“ I know you didn’t eat anything ever since the morning.. So I made you some pasta no big deal”

Louis sighed, he knew he could get used to this, but this needed to be stopped, how? He had no idea 

“ thank you Harry” Louis said from the deep of his heart “I don’t know how can I survive today without your help”

Harry smiled “ hay, it’s okay.. Were you okay earlier? “

Louis bit his lower lip and shook his head “ I just saw him.. And I couldn’t.. “

“oh, I am sorry “ Harry said then he hugged him 

Louis was about to cry again, but Harry broke the hug and said “ I smell something “ then he giggled and looked at Lilly

Louis smiled and looked at Harry “ thanks Harry, for you and Gigi”

He looked back at him “ it’s okay, she is my best friend.. Besides she says she owes me so she can’t never say no, although I don’t remember what exactly happened but I keep using that favour for my own good" he giggled " she says something about saving her life from being attacked or something “

Louis knew what happened cause he was there with Harry at the parking lot, when suddenly he heard Harry yelling and running towards something. Louis had to run after him and then he saw two men were cornering a lady at the dark ally . Harry was talking to them and then someone pushed  
Harry hard it was when Louis lost his mind and ran to his boyfriend and he attacked the two men, Harry also helped and people started to gather so the men ran away. Gigi was crying mess and Harry couldn’t leave her so he took her with him to their house where Zayn was waiting, they clicked form first look

“ what happened? “ Louis had to ask

Harry shrugged “ obviously I used to be a superhero.”   
He laughed “she says I saved her from two thieves were attacking her”

Louis smiled, he remembered that every time Gigi mentioned that event Harry blushed red.

“ but what I know? All I am sure about that I was the reason she met Zayn. And that’s enough for me, he loves her more than anything in his life”

Louis nodded “ that’s beautiful “

Harry pointed at Lily, at her diaper “ I can’t do this again today” harry said while laughing “ go and change your clothes both of you and I will heat you the food” Louis also laughed and he walked to his room.  
******

When Louis returned again, he heard Harry was on the phone, his voice was loud and obviously he was arguing with someone, but when he saw Louis he tried to smile and then he walked out of the kitchen.

Louis didn’t follow although he would die to, but instead he gave Harry some privacy and he waited for him till he showed again

“ everything okay? “ Louis asked

Harry nodded “ yeah.. Sure” but no, not really   
He actually looked awful and his eyes were red and glassy

“ I have to go” he said, and Louis was expecting this. 

“ now? I thought we could talk a little.. “

Harry sighed “ I would love to, but I have to go.. I have something to do.. Anyways… here is the food. And try to sleep okay? “ he was trying to hide his face. He was nervous and Louis hated to see him this way 

Louis nodded “ are you okay? “

Harry nodded and he headed out of the kitchen and then Louis heard the door was shut again.

*****

Next morning, Louis was getting ready to check on Jiff’s house, when the door knocked hysterically,  
Louis opened the door and Zayn stormed inside

“ we need to talk”

Louis was looking at Zayn “ good to see you too”

Zayn glared at him “ you know why I am here”

Louis sighed “ I know, Gigi told you”

“gigi? You mean she knows? “ then he looked down and shook his head “ shit.. She was here last night, wasn’t she? “

Louis was looking at him unable to say anything, then Zayn looked at him “ Harry told me”

Louis nodded “ okay, so he told you he is the one who keeps coming to me right? “

“ okay, make him stop”

Louis shrugged “I tried"

“try again, try harder ” Zayn yelled

Then the baby cried from inside, Louis looked at Zayn who was looking back at him with big eyes

Louis moved inside his bed room and carried the little baby and he walked outside again where Zayn was still glued at his place

“ you have a baby? “

Louis shook his head “no, she is not my daughter, she is my friend”

Zayn snorted “yeah, and he letting you taking care of her because? “

“he died two days ago, and her mom disappeared “

“oh” Zayn said shocked, but he didn't talk again 

Louis took a deep breath “ you are asking me to stop seeing him right”

Zayn sighed and looked again at Louis “ it was your idea Louis. You ran away, you wanted to disappear.. He was mess and broken but you chose to run away.. So you can’t show up again when he is finally good ”

“ I am not showing up again, you are the one who came to my restaurant.. You are the one who showed up again in my life and ever since he keeps stalking me everywhere”

“and that drives me crazy.. I don’t know why he is doing this. I mean he had a boyfriend"

Louis sighed “ I know, I met him. He hates me I hate him”

Zayn looked at Louis frowning “ when? “

“ they came to my work.. And he is an asshole”

Zayn didn’t talk, then he took a deep breath “ you have to stop him, tell him you can’t meet again..  
Tell him anything to stop”

Louis didn’t talk

Zayn was staring at him and then she shook his head “ no… fuck no”

He walked closer to Louis “ you are enjoying this… you finally decide to have him back? You are fucking selfish.. I begged you not to leave him I begged you to stay”

“and start all over again? “ Louis yelled

“ yes!! Start all over again " Zayn yelled back 

Zayn took a deep breath" what are you doing now? he is barely okay… don’t.. Please don’t ruin his life”

Louis shrugged “ he doesn’t have to know it’s me”

Zayn chuckled “he will.. He will know”

“how and why? “

“because he is looking for you. Ever since and he is looking for you.. He knows there was someone.. He is struggling to remember, and Louis I am sure when you stay together much longer he will  
know”

Louis looked down, and then he didn’t talk 

Zayn finally said “ please stay away from him.. I am begging you” And then he walked out of the flat.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Louis had to head to Jiff’s flat, he wanted some clean clothes for the baby girl, and he wanted to see what he should do with Jiff’s old stuff. he would sell every valuable thing and put the money on the new account he will open for the baby, although he knew there was no much money but it was something. He still had no idea what he was going to do with the baby, he loved her and he wanted to keep her but this was a large step and he must think about clearly and maybe talk to his family too. 

The funeral was the next day, Louis expected to see Harry there, although Harry did not call him that day or texted him, Louis was surprised that Harry didn't show or even give a call and he started to feel worry about him. what if he remembered? What if Zayn told him? No.. That just couldn't be true..

It was at the evening when he decided to give him a call, after the fourth ring Harry answered

“ hello” his voice was weak and scratchy, Louis knew that voice… of course he did, Harry wasn’t okay

“ you okay Harold? “ then he wanted to mentally slap himself, his old self was showing up and that was scary, thankfully Harry did not comment, maybe he didn’t pay attention, but Louis heard some shuffles and he knew Harry was moving

“ Harry? “ he asked again

“ yes, I am here… I am sorry. I am so sorry” his voice was very weird and Louis wanted to be there with him, his voice was very sad, Harry was crying

“ why are you sorry Harry? I am just calling to check if you were okay or not? Haven’t heard from you all day? “

It took Harry a moment to answer then he said “ yeah, sorry. I was… I am sick”

“you are sick? Oh my god how sick? “ Louis asked sincerely worried

“ I had an asthma attack last night.. I guess it knocked me off all the day” Harry answered but he was hesitant and Louis wished to know what he was hiding

“ but you are okay now? “Louis pressed, he needed more

“ yeah”

“ you had your inhaler? you always forget to fill the prescription” Louis said again then he gasped and opened his eyes wide, what did he just said

“sorry? “ Harry asked voice higher now

“ I mean.. “ he chuckled “ all the people I know who has asthma forgets to fill their prescription.. I thought you one of them” his heart was literally banging in his chest, he crossed his finger praying that Harry would buy this

“ yeah.. I am one of them” Harry answered maybe sadly, “ but my boyfriend was here and he helped” He helped?"

Was it that bad? 

“ Harry? Are you sure you are okay? Did you go to the hospital? “

Harry again took moment to answer “no, no need”

Louis couldn’t help it “ you sound off Harry, are you sure everything is fine? “

He heard Harry taking a shaky breath before saying “ yeah. I am” his voice trembled and he had to fake a cough to cover it and Louis winced, Harry was trying to hide from him something, and obviously it was something bad and big

Louis closed his eyes and he let a single tear roll down his face, he was helpless, and he had nothing to do “ is he with you now ? “

“ what? “

“the boyfriend.. Is he there with you? “

Harry didn’t answer that, and Louis swore he heard sniffles

“ please tell me he didn’t leave you alone after your attack? “

Louis knew exactly how Harry used to be after his attacks, he always felt scared that sometimes caused himself a panic attack. Harry’s asthma wasn’t bad but when it hits him it hits him very hard that he could have several ones at the next few days, so he was always scared when it happens. he can't sleep or function, he feels very tired and out of breath all of the time, it takes him three or four days to come back to himself. Louis never left his side during those days and he knew that what exactly Harry needed right now

“ are you alone Harry? “ Louis asked but sternly this time

“ he didn’t want to leave, but he has work.. He can’t miss it by babysitting me I am not a kid anymore” he snapped at him but Louis could hear the tears through the phone

Louis frowned, what was Harry talking about and why he was angry

“ I am sorry” Harry whispered “ I didn’t mean to snap at you” he added

Louis smiled and wiped his tear, he took a deep breath “ can I come in? “ Louis asked biting his lower lip, that was wrong, he couldn’t, he shouldn’t, and with the baby? What was he thinking

“ I don’t think it’s necessarily, Nick is on his way anyway… but thanks lou… for asking” he said and Louis could see the smile through the phone

Louis shook his head in defeat, Nick was coming, the boyfriend Nick was coming and he already hated it  
“ alright Harry, call me if you needed anything okay? I won’t sleep”

“why? “ Harry asked

Because I am worried about you, but Louis didn’t say

“ the girl has been sleeping since six hours now, I know the minute I put my back on the bed she will wake up”

he heard Harry giggling “ maybe you should try some sleep now”

Louis smiled “ yeah.. But I still have a lot of things to do before the funeral tomorrow “

“oh yeah.. It is tomorrow “ Harry said then he sighed “ I will try to be there”

“no don’t. The weather is still awful, you just had your attack you shouldn’t leave the house for the next three days at least” Louis said it not by authorizing way, but caring and loving way.. And again his heart raced, what would Harry think about him when he was talking this way

But Harry didn’t say a word at all, then “ I have to go”  
Harry said and without waiting for a response he hanged up leaving Louis to his shock, to his worries that he knew it would eat him alive that night.

*****

Harry didn’t show up at the funeral, although Louis wished he would but he was relived that he didn’t, he knew it was risky but he wished to see him even for five minutes.

Harry didn’t call that day too, Louis wanted to check on him but he couldn’t take another helpless phone call while he would hear to Harry’s weakness and maybe heartbroken voice. He sent him a text and Harry did not text back.. Again Louis couldn’t sleep well that night.

Harry didn’t show or call the next day or the other or the other. Louis was literally losing his mind, he was hardly able to do anything without thinking of Harry. He was thinking of him when he was at the bank while fixing the new account for the baby, he was thinking of him when he sold all Jeff’s things, he was thinking of him when he dropped Lily at the nursery to go to his work, he was thinking of Harry while he was serving the table Harry sat on last time he came with Nick. 

Louis did tried to call Harry in the past few days, Harry was always out of service like he vanished and this was driving him more crazy.

It was when he saw Zayn last night at the market, he didn’t want to talk to him ever again, but he had to, it was Harry who he was worried about

“ Zayn? “ Louis said while Zayn was picking some milk, he looked back and he saw Louis, he was surprised  
“ Louis… hello”

Louis tried to smile and act normal, he wouldn't mention Harry on purpose , it would come alone

“ how are you and gigi? “ he asked walking towards him

Zayn smiled “ fine, we are fine. And you? Where is the baby? “

Louis smiled “ my neighbor offered to take care of her today.. So I still have an hour”

Zayn smiled widely and shook his head in disbelief “ I remember you never wanted a kid for yourself before”

Louis shrugged, it was true, they did talked about it plenty of time when he and Harry were living together  
Louis took a deep breath “so how is he? “

Zayn looked at him “ you mean Harry.. Louis you promised “

“ I didn’t do anything.. I am just asking you”

Zayn nodded “ okay, he is fine”

Louis didn’t take this as an answer “ are you sure? I mean is he okay? “

Zayn huffed “ okay, what happened? “

Louis rubbed his face angrily

“ Louis.. Did you call him? “

“ I did.. It was four days ago. He just had his asthma and he didn’t sound good, he was alone and I know he was scared. He told me Nick was on his way…but that was it… I didn’t hear from him ever since”

Zayn was watching him, then he said when he finished “he is okay”

“ he never called me again”

Zayn nodded “ because maybe he realized it was wrong? “

“Zayn… “ Louis huffed

“I just want to know if he was okay or not, please… I won’t do anything but I am worried.. “ 

“you should stop”

“I can’t stop okay” he said sternly, then he calmed down “ my life is messed up at that moment, and then he is here again… trust me I am trying to. But right now I am worried and I just need to know what happened”

Zayn was looking at him with sad eyes, he sighed “ you won’t do anything? “

“ does this mean there is something wrong? “

“Louis? “

“alright… I won’t I promise “

“you promised before”

“God Zayn.. Just tell me”

Zayn took a deep breath “ Nick found out”

“found out what? “

“that he was seeing you again, they fought and Nick asked him not to talk to you again”

Louis frowned “ this is ridicules. Nick asked him not to call me so he just stopped calling me? “ 

“yeah, that’s it”

“Harry would never do that. I told him million of times I didn’t like you but you still best friends, is he controlling him? "

Zayn was watching him but he didn’t talk,  
Louis sighed “ I am sorry… I don’t hate you”

Zayn only smiled, Louis asked “ what does this mean Zayn? “

“ it means he let you go… you should do the same Louis. What was between the two of you supposed to be ended three years ago”

Louis was looking down, he couldn’t comment on that, he just nodded his head till this moment ends.

******

Although Louis didn’t try to call Harry again he couldn’t stop thinking of him. It had been ten days since he last saw him and the hole in his heart was getting bigger and bigger.

Louis was in his tattoo shop with some client when he heard the door was opened, he didn’t pay attention he knew his partner was outside so he didn’t try to see who was out there.   
It was thirty minutes later when his partner entered the room “ have you done yet? “

Louis was deep focusing on his work “ almost.. Why? “

“ there is that dude that is waiting for you outside”

Louis looked at him and frowned “ a client? “

“ haven’t seen him before”

Louis sighed, he really wanted to leave after this one, he already was late for his neighbor who was taking care of little Lilly

He looked at his watch “ I really have to go after this one.. “

His partner shrugged “ do you want me to dismiss him? “

Louis shook his head “ no, I can take a look… maybe book him an appointment or anything” His partner nodded and left.

It was ten minutes after when Louis finished, he was cleaning his equipment and then he stretched his back all his muscles ached to be honest.

He then left the room and once he stepped outside he froze, cause outside was the one and only

“ Harry? “ Louis almost gasped

Harry snapped his head up to him “ oh finally “ he stood up immediately

“ what are you doing here? “ Louis asked

Harry looked at louis’ partner and didn’t talk, Louis also looked at his partner who was looking at Harry up and down like he would jump on him any minute now, his partner was sometime unable to control himself, and he could see how Harry was feeling uncomfortable already

“ okay.. Come here to talk” Louis entered the room again and Harry followed him.

Louis looked at Harry, he looked very exhausted, his eyes was too pale, his face was also tired and yellow  
“ are you okay? “ Louis asked

Harry nodded and smiled “ yeah.. I feel great. I am sorry I didn’t call you. I lost my phone and I couldn’t find your number”

Louis slowly nodded , Harry sighed “ I am really sorry Louis.. I couldn’t come to the funeral “

Louis didn’t comment, he just looked down

“ I would come if I could “

Louis couldn’t take it anymore “ Harry stop”

He looked at Harry who stopped talking and looked at him with wide eyes, he saw him swallowing thickly but Louis could not take it anymore, Harry was lying and he never believed that Harry could  
lie

“ I know about the fight”

“the fight? “

“ you and Nick…I met Zayn the other night and he told me everything.. So you need to stop it”

Louis saw the color draining from his face, he just looked down and didn’t talk

“ listen Harry, I don’t want to cause trouble between you and your boyfriend, obviously the lad hates me so you don’t need this.. Let me guess he is out of town right? “

Harry didn’t move and Louis really hated this “ God Harry. Why are you doing this? “

“ I don’t know” Harry said after a moment

He then looked at Louis “ I don’t know why? I don’t know why I am risking my relationship with  
Nick.. But when I m with you I feel strange.. I feel a good feeling like nothing bad happened to me”

Louis didn’t talk, he stared at harry and all he wanted was to give him a hug

Harry chuckled “ you are gonna laugh at me but… ever since I met you and I have these weird dreams about us.. And I just need to understand “

“ what dreams” Louis asked but his heart was going crazy now, was they dreams or memories?

Harry shook his head “ I don’t know… Dreams like.. Shit.. Like singing together? Cooking together? Watching a movie.. Laughing” his voice was trembling and even his eyes became glossy “ I know that sound crazy but it’s like I knew you.. Like really knew you”

have sighed and looked down “I know we were not friends and we just met a month ago, but this feeling that filling me every time I see you or even think about you. It scares me”

Louis tried his best to hold his tears, but he couldn’t, he was also in tears

“ it scares me because.. I have a boyfriend, I suppose to feel this feelings for him not for you.. But there is something that keeps pushing me to see you, to stay with you.. I am sorry I am damaged and  
I can’t help it.. But if it’s too much for you then I can understand “

He looked down “ you don’t have to do this”

Louis looked at him frowning “ what are you talking about? “

Harry shrugged and wiped his tears “ I know my mind is too much.. I mean it’s too much for me.. It’s damaged and putting me in troubles all the time. But I swear to god I have never felt this feeling ever since my accident”

Louis had to ask “ what feelings Harry? “

Harry was staring at his eyes, he walked closer “ I don’t know. But all I know is I want to spend every minute with you. You make me laugh.. You make me happy.. You make me safe”

Louis was staring back at him and he was going to look down when Harry cupped his face and he kissed him on his lips, Louis found himself kissing back, they both were crying and Louis knew just at that moment that he screwed up, that he would never leave his Harry away again. 

.*******

When Louis opened his eyes he was alone on his bed, he was naked only wearing his boxer, the memory of last night suddenly showered him and he looked instantly at the spot beside him, no one was there.

Louis sighed in defeat and he closed his eyes again, what happened yesterday wasn’t supposed to happen any way, that was stupid and of course Harry figured it out and left. He had a boyfriend anyway and cheating on him was something big on Harry’s heart.

Louis opened his eyes again and looked beside him at the baby crib and wait a minute.. Did Harry take the baby with him?

Louis left his bed as fast as he could and he ran out side couldn’t think of what may could happen to the five months baby.

Then he heard the sound of the baby and singing coming from the kitchen. He headed to the kitchen and he froze at the entrance. Cause Harry was making something on the stove while singing to the baby, while the baby was clapping and watching Harry smiling. 

Then she saw Louis and she gave a joyful scream.  
Louis walked to her and he took her with the same smile she was having.

“ good morning “ Harry said looking at him holding a plate full of pancake “breakfast is ready” he put the plate on the table

Louis was looking at him and he didn’t want to cry because fuck, that was their dream long time ago. 

Harry cooking for his husband and daughter the breakfast, but this time harry wasn’t Louis husband and the baby wasn’t any relative. And Harry had no idea who Louis was. 

Louis put the baby back on her seat Louis brought from her house the other day and he turned to Harry  
“ you made all of this? “

Harry giggled “ it’s only pancake.. And coffee”

And he turned to pour the coffee, Louis sat while trying his best to hold back the tears at the back of his head   
Harry put the cup on the table in front of Louis and then he sat and looked at Louis “ you can eat ” Harry said with a smile, and while Louis was sitting his smile faded away, Louis turned to the drawer and took one of his pills he has been taking since the transplant

When he turned he saw Harry was still staring at him, Louis noticed but he didn’t talk, Harry put his cup on the table and he didn’t say anything

Louis thought he had to explain, he smiled “ I am fine… it’s nothing serious “

Harry tried to look away, but he was still not him   
“ are you okay? “ Louis asked with true concern

“ what is this? “ Harry asked while Louis looked at the spot Harry was pointing at

The old scare, the scare he shares with Harry. 

Louis didn’t know what to say at the start, he didn’t raise his head to face Harry and then he felt Harry’s fingers were on his scars, when he looked at Harry he saw him kneeling on the ground looking at his scars with frown on his face “ it looks like mine”

Louis tried to smile nervously “ oh… er… actually yeah”

Harry looked at him “ you said you gave your kidney for stranger” Louis asked, and Harry slowly nodded

“ Well.. I took one from a stranger too”

“oh” Harry said and looked again at the scar “ but you are okay now? “

Louis laughed, he remembered how Harry used to ask him this question daily, never stopped asking or got bored

“ I am fine curly, now let’s eat”

Harry looked again at the scar and then said “ that’s weird” then he returned to his seat “ do you think it’s my kidney? “

Louis was looking at him and he felt his heart was going crazy, then Harry laughed “ that would be amazing… my kidney is in your body.. A part of me is in your body. That’s makes us what?  
Inseparable? “

Louis tried to laugh too, Harry said still thinking “ I wish I know who took mine.. It is not like I want it back but I just want to know if he ended up okay or not “

“ he is okay” Louis said “ I mean.. If I am okay then he must be okay”

“ does it hurt? “ Harry asked

“no.. Not now. I am totally okay, in fact I wonder how is the guy I took his kidney”

“ do you mean you haven’t met? “ Harry wondered shocked

“ no.., it was his wish” Louis said trying to end the topic   
Harry noticed because next thing he said was totally different

“do you have work today? “ Harry asked, but he didn’t eat anymore

“ I do, actually I should be ready by now”

Harry nodded “okay… I can take care of the baby”

Louis looked at him and he didn’t talk at the start “ you don’t have to”

Harry took a bid sip of his coffee “ I want to”

Louis bit his lower lip “ Harry, what are you doing? “

Harry looked at him “ trying to help? ”

Louis nodded “ thanks and everything, but we will be fine. My neighbor is taking good care of her, she owns a day care anyway and she is taking her for free so we are fine”

Harry smiled “ look at you taking good care of everything “

Louis sighed “ Harry.. We need to talk”

" about what? “

“ you have a boyfriend, and yet you keep showing at my place.. And last night.. “

“practically it was your work not your place”

“Harry “ Louis huffed

Harry finally took a deep breath “ I am leaving him”

“what? “

Harry shrugged “ it’s not working, and trust you have nothing to do with my decision. Okay.. Maybe you helped me a little but I always wanted to leave him”

Louis swallowed thickly “ why? “

Harry looked down “ it’s a long story, I will tell you later. Now you should get dressed right? "

Louis was watching him but he knew that was the right thing now, because if he stayed any minute longer he will be repeating last night.

******

When Louis left his bedroom Harry wasn’t anywhere in the house, he left in silence and Louis didn’t know what did this mean. Did Harry left for real, or will he come back again.

Later that night, Louis just arrived home when his doorbell rang again, he thought it was Harry but instead it was Zayn again

He looked pale and worried and somehow that made Louis anxious himself

“ what happened? “asked Louis

“ have you seen Harry” Zayn asked immediately

“ why? “

“ just answer me” Zayn yelled impatiently

But Louis didn’t answer, he moved to pick the crying child because of Zayn’s voice

“ I am sorry” Zayn whispered

“ what happened to Harry? “Louis asked

Zayn shrugged “ he wasn’t home and I got worried about him”

Louis nodded “ have you called him? “

“ yes Louis I did”

Louis felt Zayn was hiding something so he decided he will also hide things from him

“ I don’t know where he is”

Zayn was staring at him “are you sure? “

Louis nodded and started rocking the baby who didn’t stop crying

“ if he show up or anything, can you at least call me? “Zayn said while opening the door

“ should I worry? “ Louis asked

Zayn shook his head silently and moved away.

Louis locked the door behind Zayn and walked to make the baby a bottle, but once he finished the door knocked again

Louis opened the door and he didn’t expect to see Harry looking back at him with a big smile on his face  
“ Harry? “

Harry’s smile died “ you seem surprised “

“ you left early without a word”

Harry sighed and entered the flat, he closed the door behind him and then Louis noticed that he was carrying some groceries

Harry said “ I will make dinner”

And he headed to the kitchen, Louis followed him, and he saw how nervous Harry was. He was trying to avoid looking at Louis but Louis couldn’t take it any more.

He walked and took his hand “ what is wrong with you? “

Harry shook his head and he whispered “ do you want me to leave? “

Louis frowned “why did you say this?”

Harry shrugged “ you don’t look happy seeing me”

“no, nothing like this. You just. I don’t understand you Harry”

Harry nodded and closed his eyes “ I don’t understand too believe me”

Louis smiled, Harry said “ can I stay the night again? “

Louis nodded “ of course… everything is fine? “

Harry shook his head “ I called Nick and ended everything, I am sure he will lose his shit and start a searching party for me… I just… I don’t want to be found for now”

“ you ended everything through the phone? “Louis asked

“ shame on me right? “ Harry tried to joke, but then he shook his head again “ it’s easier this way"

“ what’s easier? “

Harry looked away “ Nick is not.. He is… sometimes he gets angry easily and he can’t control himself”

Louis’ heart almost stopped “ Harry please don’t tell me he is hurting you”

“ he isn’t.. I… let’s not talk about it okay? “ and right now Louis knew he was lying, but he knew there was nothing to do at least for this moment

“ Harry… “

“please Lou… I have no place else to go, and I really don’t want to come back home right now”

Louis sighed “ you are always welcome here Harry, but what you are saying is scaring me”

Harry smiled wide “ I didn’t say anything Lou.. Don’t worry. I know how to handle myself “

Louis didn’t talk, cause he can’t imagine anyone could touch his Harry, how about hurting him

“ come on… change that diaper and I will make you the food”

All Louis could do was just hugging Harry, he felt the young lad trembled between his arms and when they pulled away he tried to hide his face, he heard him sniffling and then said “ now go”

Louis had to leave the kitchen because he was crying himself, he felt guilty somehow because Harry was always his responsibility and now he was hurt and broken and he was hiding things from louis.

When Louis returned to the kitchen after putting the baby to sleep, Harry was sitting on the table talking on the phone

“ yes mom I know” that what Louis said

He somehow panicked because Harry was talking to his mother, and if Anne knew about him then there would be bad consequences.

Louis slowly sat in front of Harry who once saw him said quick goodbye to his mother, and then he saw a huge frown on Harry’s face

“ everything is fine? “ Louis asked

Harry only shrugged “ you wanna eat now”

Louis only nodded and he helped Harry to set the table, when they started to eat Harry was barely eating then he put the fork down and he sighed, he looked at Louis and tried to smile “ I am not that hungry”

Louis smiled “ it’s okay.. I think I am done too”

Harry said while putting the plates on the sink but Louis was the one who started to wash the dishes  
“ my mom wants me back home”

Louis looked at him and he didn’t talk, Harry shrugged “ since I broke up with Nick, she trusts Nick so much I couldn’t tell her what exactly he was”

Louis turned off the water and looked at Harry “ what exactly he was? “

Harry looked at him “ I keep seeing you in my dreams Louis. Ever since we met, same dream every night. And one day maybe I talked while sleeping and I said your name.. Next thing I felt someone pulling my hair and knocking me out of the bed… I don’t remember how many kicks he gave me but it was enough to bruise my ribs and cause me a major asthma attack”

Louis was staring at Harry, he couldn’t say any word because he felt the blood was boiling in his veins 

“ he stayed with me and he tried to say how sorry he was… it wasn’t the only time.. “ Harry said trying to smile

“ he used to do that when he gets drunk or gets angry of work… the worst are when he feel jealous”

“ Harry.. “

Harry raised his hand to stop Louis “ I am telling you because I see panic on your eyes every time I look at you… I am fine okay, I will be fine”

Louis nodded “ does anyone know? “

Harry shrugged “ Zayn feels it, but we never talked about it”

“Zayn knows you are being abused and says nothing “ 

he said it angrily that Harry looked at him shocked  
Louis looked at him “ why do you let him do that? Why don’t you defend yourself? “

Harry was watching him then he sighed and said “ it’s complicated… “

“ how exactly… “

“I had no one… I remember nothing from my past three years, my degree was useless at that time since I didn’t finish my study… I was useless and all I needed was a runway.. He was my runway..  
He saved me”

“he was abusing you for God sake.. “

Harry chuckled “ at least he stayed… he took care of me, he wanted me…”

“what are you even talking about? “

Harry was going to talk but he closed his mouth again he closed his eyes and then he said “ I should go.. “

He was leaving the kitchen “ no Harry wait…. “

He ran after Harry and grasped his forearm, Harry looked at him and he said “ it’s okay.. I need some time to think alone”

“I can’t let you go by yourself”

Harry laughed In pain “ why is that.. “

“because… “ but he stopped himself

Harry was looking at him and maybe he could read something, because he slowly sat his hand free and he walked out of the door but before going away, he looked at Louis with a frown on his face and then he rushed outside

Louis stayed there by himself, heart beating fast and worries were going to eat him alive. He didn’t want to leave Harry after what he said, but he also couldn’t stop him. And right now he wanted to kill Zayn


	7. Chapter 7

Louis waited the whole night for Harry, he waited for him to come back but he never did. Finally he decided to call Zayn and tell him everything.

Once he put the phone on his ear and with the first ring, his door bell rang and Louis hastily ended the call and rushed to answer the bell.

Louis wasn’t conscious after the accident three years ago so basically he didn’t see harry hurt or anything, so when he saw him that night with blood under his nose and his brow was cut opened, with large bruise around his neck he completely lost his mind. He didn’t talk because once he saw Harry; Harry collapsed in his arms sobbing.

Louis let him in and he closed the door immediately, he took him to the living room where he sat beside Harry embracing him and rocking him back and forth, Louis was scared himself, he was actually panicking because he didn’t know if harry was okay or not or of he needed a hospital, he didn’t know if Harry was attacked outside or Nick did this to him. All that mattered at the moment was that Harry was between his arms crying his heart out, and he was hurt and bleeding and all Louis wanted was him to be okay.

When Harry finally stopped crying Louis decided to estimate the damage, he wanted to know what was hiding under the clothes and he needed to make sure that Harry wasn’t severely hurt.

He took him to the bathroom, and he made him sit on the covered Toilet seat, he took off Harry’s jacket and he slowly started to undress him.

To his surprise Harry let him, he was looking at his eyes and he let Louis do all the work. He let him undress him and put him in bathtub that was full of warm water, he let him wash him smoothly, Louis tried his best not to throw up when he saw the bruises all over Harry’s body, it was like a color festival painted on his body, old and new bruises, old and new scars and Louis wanted just to hug him and kiss every scar and bruise, he wanted to kiss the pain away cause although Harry was so quiet Louis didn’t miss how he flinched every time Louis touched any bruise and cut.

Eventually he dressed him with a pair of Harry’s old sweat pants and hoodie that Louis refused to get rid off. In fact Louis was wearing Harry’s clothes whenever he missed him or if felt sad or in secured and it always helped.

He put harry on the bed and thanks God the baby didn’t wake up, and he lied beside him stroking his hair and kissing soft kisses on his hair whispering you are okay phrase over and over again.

*******

When Louis opened his eyes the next time he was sure the door bell was ringing again, when he moved to open, Harry’s strong grip surrounded Louis’ arm, he was looking at Louis with panicking eyes and he was out of breath

“ it’s okay” Louis said but Harry’s grip only became stronger, slowly Louis kissed Harry’s hand and said

“ I am just gonna have a look okay, you take care of the baby” he said when the baby started to cry.

Eventually harry let go of his hand and Louis with accelerated heartbeats and fast breathing opened the door, it wasn’t anyone he saw before, it was actually an old woman when she saw Louis she smiled nervously 

“ are you Louis tomlinson? “

Louis nodded his head slowly, the woman sighed “ I believe you have my granddaughter “

She was lily’s grandma and she came to take the little baby away, she said that phone call Louis gave her the other night changed something in her heart and she decided to do something and to fix her daughter fault.

The problem was that Louis loved the baby lily and he really found it hard to give her away. 

When he entered his room to take the baby he found Harry hugging her and crying

He moved closer and whispered “ why are you crying harry? “

Harry was closing his eyes “ she is leaving me like everything else”

Louis swallowed his tears “ I am not leaving you”

Harry opened his eyes and looked at him with eyes full of tears “ I will miss her”

“ we can visit her anytime we want” but Harry didn’t let the baby go, he hugged her more closer and said “ can I have a minute? “

Louis nodded and he walked few steps away but he heard everything

“ please, be safe little angel, I will always remember you.. Don’t forget me. Remember there is always someone who loves you and cares for you. I will watch over you okay” then he kissed her forehead “ I will never forget about you I wrote about you so I will never forget”

Then Louis walked closer “ Harry, she is waiting outside” Harry finally nodded and gave the baby to Louis.

Louis also cried when he said the last goodbye, when he gave her the last kiss. He was already lost with Harry and she was the only true thing there, he promised Jeff he would take care of her but right now he couldn't even take care of himself, and then there was Harry.

Louis said goodbye and he promised himself he would gain her back, he would adopt her but when things became good again, he would keep his promise with his late friend.

When he returned to the bedroom he saw Harry staring at his reflection in the mirror, he was touching his neck bruise and he was crying silently

“ will you tell me what happened? “ Louis asked trying to keep his voice as strong as he could

Harry flinched and he removed his fingers away, he looked at Louis and then he sighed. He looked down and wiped his tears but he didn’t talk

“ okay Harry, let’s eat breakfast okay? “

And Harry nodded slowly and he followed Louis to the kitchen.

Louis made the breakfast which wasn’t a lot, just some scrambled egg and some coffee. He sat in front of Harry and he knew Harry didn’t have the appetite like himself.

“ you need to eat Harry” Louis started “ and we need to go to the hospital “ Harry snapped his head up to him, Louis tried to act normal “ I can see how you’re struggling with every step you take… I am afraid of broken ribs or something “

Harry looked down again, Louis put the coffee in front of him “ please eat anything, we can’t move if you didn’t “

Harry looked at him “ why are you doing this? “

Louis frowned, Harry “ taking care of me”

Louis smiled “ you started this, you took care of me when I needed you.. We are friends”

Harry slowly nodded his head and looked down again  
Louis watched Harry taking the first bite then he asked “ was it Nick? “

Harry didn’t look at him, he didn’t even flinch it was like he didn’t try to hide it anymore

Louis didn’t need to ask the question again, the answer was already said even if it was silently

Finally when they finished eating “ can I have a tattoo”

Louis looked at him confused, Harry continued “ I need one here” and he pointed at his chest “ maybe something beside the butterfly… “

“Harry stop” Louis sighed

Harry stopped talking but he didn’t look at him  
“ Harry you showed up at my house after midnight covered with blood.. With blood and cuts and bruises. You can’t ignore this I can’t ignore this”

Harry shook his hand “ I don’t know what do you want me to say.. I told you about Nick”

“ then we should tell the police..”

“I can’t “

“why not? “ Louis almost yelled

“because I cheated on him Louis.. Because he will hurt me again.. He will hurt you again and I can’t let this happen “

Louis froze for a second and then he said “ I don’t care…he hurt you Harry and I can’t let this happen again”

“ it won’t happen again “ Harry sighed

Louis was watching Harry “ Harry let me help you please “

“God lou.. “ Harry said and stood up violently “ why can’t you just let it go… why can’t you just forget about it, it’s my fucking problem.. I can take care of myself”

Louis said angrily “ because obviously you just can’t take care of yourself, look at you for God sake it looks like you were two seconds from dying and here you are defending him”

“I am not defending him” he said gritting on his teeth, he was leaving the kitchen “ I thought you will understand “

Louis ran after him and he grasped his hand but not too strong to hurt, he made Harry look at him. Louis wasn’t angry Louis was too scared and his whole body was shaking “ you are not leaving again”

Harry was watching him with huge eyes “ let go of me”

“not until we figure out what to do”

Harry yanked his hand away, his eyes seemed lost and glossy  
“ please, just let me go”

“why? Just let me help you. I can help you”

Harry shook his head and he was walking away “ Harry please “ Louis said but this time he couldn’t control his tears

Harry looked at him for a long moment, his whole features turned softly, his tensed shoulders relaxed for a bit and he walked closer to him. 

He cupped his face and he kissed him again, but Louis held him tightly. When Harry pulled away he was still looking at his eyes “ I love you”

And then the world froze around Louis, he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t breath, and he couldn’t think. He saw Harry telling him I love you million times before, he remembered every single one in his head daily and he cried on his pillow every night because he believed he would never hear it again.

He looked at Harry with wide eyes but Harry didn’t wait for an answer. He stormed outside the flat closing the door behind him.

Louis remained glued to the floor for minutes he did not count. He then collapsed and he cried.

He wished that harry remembered... Did Harry remember?


	8. Chapter 8

Louis found himself running in the streets looking for Harry. After what Harry said and he lost his mind. He decided he would tell him everything. He would tell him the truth.

Louis didn’t know where to look exactly but there was that feeling in his heart that made him restless. He felt there was something coming, something bad coming. 

When he lost hope he called Zayn and he told him everything, Zayn panicked and he told Louis he would look for Harry and if he found anything he would give him a call.

It was early morning when Louis decided to come back home. He entered his building and when he was in front of his flat he gasped. Cause right in front of his door was Harry. Sitting on the floor looks asleep. 

Louis rushed to his side and he knelt beside him, he tried to wake him up but Harry didn’t. No matter how much he tried Harry didn’t respond. It was when he realized there was something wrong.

He checked his pulse and it was barely there.

******

At the hospital, Louis was sitting beside Harry who was lying on the hospital bed sleeping. Or very weak to wake up.

The doctor said he was beating hard and that caused him internal bleeding but luckily he was found in time and they could save him.

Louis didn’t leave Harry’s side once they put him in his own room. He called Zayn and he stayed right there at the plastic chair beside the bed watching Harry’s chest moving up and down.

He was taking Harry’s hand in his and he was rubbing small circles at his knuckles that was scratched and swollen indicating he was in another fight.

Louis didn’t know what exactly to think, but all he knew he wanted to kill Nick for this.

The door was opened and Zayn walked slowly and stopped by the bed, he looked at Harry and then he sighed “ he didn’t wake up? “

Louis shook his head but he didn’t talk, he was still angry at Zayn for letting Harry battle the fight with Nick alone.

“ I brought you coffee” Zayn said and he sat at the next chair beside Louis

He gave Louis the coffee but Louis didn’t want to take it

“ tommo please “ Zayn whispered

Louis didn’t move “ he almost died Zayn.. You knew what was happening with him and you let him alone”

“I didn’t know” Zayn argued “ all I know they were fighting a lot but I never knew it could be… “

“haven’t you seen the marks? The scars? “

“no” Zayn said defensively “ Harry was hiding them perfectly. Who do you think I am? If I knew he was being hurt by Nick I would kill Nick with my bare hands”

Zayn was honest, even at the past when Harry and Louis argued Zayn automatically took Harry’s side and defend him with all his power. There was no way he did know about the abuse and kept his mouth shut.

Louis sighed and rubbed his face

Zayn said “ that’s why I wanted you to stay.. Because you are you. You know him by the heart. You always know what to do”

Louis looked at him, Zayn shook his head and looked down “ he tried to kill himself before Louis. I found him in his bedroom floor lying there unconscious barely breathing and the first thing came up to me mind was calling you” he chuckled sarcastically “ then Nick showed up in his life and I thought he will be okay again. Finally.. Now look at him” he then wiped his tears

Louis took Zayn’s hand “ you can’t blame yourself for any of this.. If there is anyone to blame them it would be me. I let him alone. I needed him and I was selfish because I know there was nothing left of him”

“he is the same.. He is right here and he didn’t change”

Louis closed his eyes “ I know.. “ then he looked at Harry “ I was angry because all the history.. Our history has gone Zayn and we had a lot of history. He was my man.. I was going to propose that day you know.. I still have the ring”

Zayn sighed “ what will happen now? “

Louis shrugged “ but I know I won’t leave his side again “  
******

It was the middle of the night, Harry was still sleeping. Zayn had to leave but he called Harry’s family and they will be there at the morning. Louis became restless he knew Anne wouldn’t accept him not after what he did.

“lou.. “ Harry whispered beside him and Louis nearly jumped from his seat.

He looked at Harry and he was still closing his eyes “ Lou.. Help me”

Louis took Harry’s hand and he was about to talk,  
“ don’t leave please boobear” Harry started to cry. 

Louis froze in his place. Something was wrong something felt wrong

“ please.. “ then Harry’s eyes flattered opened.

Louis was still frozen holding his breath. Then Harry slowly looked at him

Louis tried to smile “ hi”

Boobear.. He said it, he said his childhood nickname. Did he remember?

Harry frowned and then he closed his eyes and his face contorted in pain

Louis held his breath because what the hell was going in. His hand was still hugging Harry’s hand.

Harry slowly looked at him again

“ how do you feel? Are you in pain? “

Harry was looking at Louis and then he cried.

“ hayy. Hay hush now” Louis softly rubbed his head “ you are okay”

Harry still crying he shook his head,

“ Harry, you are scaring me. Should I call the doctor? “

Harry shook his head but he didn’t stop crying.

Louis stayed silent for few second and then when Harry started to calm down a little “ why are you crying Harry? “

Harry shrugged but didn’t talk

Louis sighed “are you in pain? “

Again Harry shook his head

“ you are okay. Don’t worry you are safe now”

Harry looked at him with eyes full of tears but again he didn’t talk

“ Zayn was here, but he had to leave and your mom and sister are on their way.. They will be here first thing in the morning “

Harry slowly nodded, then he closed his eyes   
“ do you want some sleep? “ Louis asked

Harry nodded his head, and then Louis kisses his hair whispering “ then sleep. I will be here. I won’t leave”

***** 

“ he said my nickname” Louis said to Zayn when he showed again in the morning

Zayn was looking at him with wide eyes “ that’s can’t be.. Did he remember? “

“ I have no idea.. He slept again and then I had to leave before Anne and Gemma. I mean they don’t need to know about me this way”

Zayn took a deep breath “ I told them”

Louis snapped his head up to him “ and? “

Zayn shrugged “ Anne cried and Gemma.. She is just angry. But no one said you are not allowed to see him”

Louis huffed “ I don’t know what should I do”

Zayn was watching him “ anything but don’t leave him again”

Louis looked at h and Zayn continued “ they will fight you and maybe Gemma will be mad enough to push you away. But this is your second chance Louis and don’t you dare ruin it”

“ I thought you didn’t want this”

Zayn nodded “ I didn’t. But he keeps coming back to you” he chuckled “ Harry will love you in any universe. In any period of time. With or without his memory. It always you”

Louis frowned and he slowly nodded. Maybe Zayn was right, maybe there were meant for each other anywhere and in anytime.

Louis couldn’t meet Harry’s family at the moment, he didn’t had the gut for this so he hid until the room was empty and then he decided to see Harry off.

When he entered Harry looked better, he was at least not sleeping and sitting on the bed. His head was resting on the pillow and he looked very exhausted  
When he felt the door was closed he opened his eyes and looked at Louis, he smiled widely “ I thought you left me”

Louis smiled back “ never” never again

Harry sighed “ my family was here”

“I know”

“I wanted you to meet them”

Louis smiled “maybe next time.. I am not going anywhere”

He looked at Harry who winced “ did Nick do this? “ 

Harry looked at him but he didn’t talk.

The door was opened again and Gemma entered. Louis thought she left but once their eyes met she gasped an d said

“ Louis? “

Louis tried to smile “ hi Gemma”

Harry suddenly said “ how do you know each othe


	9. Chapter 9

“ how do you know each other? “

Harry asked looking between Gemma and Louis   
Louis looked at him with wide eyes, his voice stuck in his throat and he didn’t know how to answer

“ we don’t” Gemma said while looking at Louis glaring, then she walked to her brother “ Zayn said something about a Louis and I guessed that was him”

Harry nodded and then smiled widely “ Gemma meet Louis Tomlinson, he is a good friend and took good care of me"

Gemma looked at Louis and he saw tears in her eyes “ nice to finally meet you”

Louis still was unable to speak, Gemma proceeded “ he has been talking about you for ages now...” Louis Felt there was more to be said but she cut herself and looked directly at Harry “ how are you doing?”

Harry was blushing and he smiled “ I am fine.. don’t worry please.. Where is mom? “

Gemma sighed “ she is back at the hotel… the ride was very exhausting and I know she needed rest”

“ so do you” he told her

She smiled “ I am fine harry. But we need to talk”

Louis stood up “ I guess I should leave”

But Gemma said loudly “ stay” then she looked at him “ you are his friend, you need to listen to this”

Harry sighed “ Gem… please “

“ you please. I could send him to jail right now for hurting you Harry, I could and I would… I just  
don’t understand why did you let him do this? “

Harry didn’t talk, Gemma “ you could defend yourself.. I can’t believe you let this happen “

Louis didn’t like how Gemma was talking to him, but he shared her the same feeling. He needed the same answers Gemma needed  
“ because I don’t want him to leave too”

Gemma huffed “ what are you talking about? “  
He looked at her and said “ I know Gemma I know about my ex”  
Both Gemma and Louis said “what? “

Harry didn’t hear Louis cause he said “ I know there was someone.. I know he left me after the accident and I know what we had was serious.. I know you also loved him and I know him leaving was so much for all of you”

Gemma looked down while Louis couldn’t move his eyes away

“what exactly do you know? “ Gemma asked

“ he was with me at the accident, that he was driving and he couldn’t accept the fact that I would never remember him. I heard you saying that he even met me and I could not recognize him” Harry’s voice cracked

Louis was literally shaking, he was watching Harry, and he knew that no, Harry had no idea that the person he was talking about was actually standing two inches away .

“ I heard you and mom talking last Christmas.. I didn’t understand what you were talking about but then.. You said something about me and him and how much we were in love.. I heard mom saying she doesn’t blame him for leaving but she doesn’t understand how could he just abandon me. And it kills me.. I am trying my best to remember because I need to know too. I don’t love Nick.. I never did.. But I needed him. I needed someone like him in my life.. Because I still feel that I was once loved before.. I keep having these dreams of a man with faded face but I hear his voice.. I hear his laugh” then he looked at Louis “ ever since I met you and those dreams are hunting me and I have no idea why? It is very exhausting and it took all my power away from me because I spent hours just trying to remember, to find anything related to him. Nick has his doubts and then we started the fights Daily because I wasn’t me.. I am me when I am with you”

Louis looked down

But Harry said “ so what was his name? “

When Louis snapped his head up to see Harry, Harry was looking at Gemma

Gemma froze in her place and slowly she raised her head up, Harry continued “ I deserve to know. I know he loved me. I know I loved him. And I need to know why? “

“ why what Harry? What difference does it make? It has been three years? “

Harry looked at his lap and said after a moment “ I was scared”

He then wiped his tears that were falling freely on his cheeks “ I didn’t want to fail again. If Nick left me I don’t know how I will behave after that? If I was going to collapse or not? What if I did it again? “

Gemma was also crying “you didn’t fail in anything harry”

“ I can’t remember Gemma”

“not your fault “

“it is, it is my fault. My life has been ruined since that day. I can’t remember I need to remember “

“why baby, why?”

“ because I need to find him”

“to ask him why did he leave you? “ Gemma asked angrily

Harry shook his head, “ then what? “

Harry looked at her “ I want to be loved again Gemma, I want to ask him if he can love me again”

Louis couldn’t keep shut for long “ what are you talking about Harry? “ he couldn’t control his voice

Harry looked at him and he cried “ I am sorry Louis, I am sorry for putting you in this mess, in my mess but I need to know.. I thought I can do it I thought I can let him go but then I will be forever alone“ then he cried harder

Louis looked at Gemma, and then he walked closer “ you are not alone, why are you this sad Harry?  
It’s okay.. “

“ it’s not okay.. I am scared, I am always scared.. I don’t feel safe anymore. I want to remember and I am afraid if I remember what would happen next? “

“ then stop trying “ Louis said

Harry looked at his eyes, Louis nodded “ stop trying, it won’t help anyway. You will not remember and you can live with this. You lived with this”

Harry chuckled “yeah, barely.. “

Louis sighed “ what exactly do you want to remember Harry? “

“him” Harry said closing his eyes “ just him”

Louis bit his lower lip, Harry opened his eyes and looked at Gemma “ just give me his name  
Gemma, please “ Gemma cried and then she ran out the door. 

Harry watched his sister and then he looked at his lap again “ every time I mention him she gives me the same reaction”

Louis couldn’t answer then Harry said “ can you help me? ”

Louis looked at him shocked, Harry looked at him “ can help you find him? “

“why? “louis asked, then he noticed how Harry’s eyes turned sad again “ I mean, of course I will help but why? He is gone then let him” he had to swallow his tears

Harry shook his head, then he looked at his lap“ I don’t know. But I know it will help me”

Then he looked at Louis “ I love you Louis, I do.. “

Louis looked at him with wide eyes, Harry nodded “ I do.. But I need to find him, I feel empty and finding him will make me feel something “

Louis finally took a deep breath “ maybe loving me will make you feel something "

Harry smiled and took Louis’ hand “ it does.. But I need to know the reason”

“you already know the reason, he was scared and he couldn’t accept that you won’t remember him”

Harry tried to smile “ then I need to hear it from him”

Louis looked at him and he couldn’t talk, but he knew there was another reason Harry refused to say, and he had to respect this.

****

Louis left Harry’s room when Harry finally slept, he left the room and he rested his head at the wall beside the door to adjust what happened, did he promise Harry to help him fine his ex? To find himself?

“ this is all your fault “

When Louis opened his eyes Gemma was glaring at him “ he is here because of you.. You hurt him and you keep hurting him” she was crying and Louis didn’t know what to say

“I mean, why are you here? He was telling me about a new guy he met and every detail he told me I got that feeling it was you.. But I prayed to be wrong ”

Louis looked down

“ he always finds his way back to you.. Damn he loves you so much and you don’t deserve his love not before and not now”

He looked at her and she said “I don’t want you to see his face again”

“Gemma.. “

“no, if you come any closer I will tell him everything, I will tell him the reason for your misery is  
Louis Tomlinson.. And let’s see what will he do”

“you won’t hurt him like this”

She cried and yelled “can’t you see? He is already broken”

Louis nodded and all he wanted was to hug her and calm her down as he always did.

“ he wants to see you again because he feels if he did he will remember “ she was sobbing now.

Louis stepped closer and he hugged her softly, she let him and she cried on his shoulder

“ I tried to find you” she said between her sobs “ I tried so hard but you didn’t want to be found.. He needed you Louis he needed you so much”

He rubbed her back, but she shook her head “ I hate you Louis”

She pulled away and she looked at him “ don’t come closer or I swear I will do it” And then she left him and walked again to her brother room.

Louis watched her closing the door and for a minute wanted to run again. He wanted to disappear. When he left the first Time he didn’t know he would pay for that one day this hard. He thought he would never see Harry again. But like Zayn and Gemma said, they found each other no matter where and how.

They were in love. And no Louis wouldn’t leave him this time, even if he had to tell Harry himself.

He would not leave again.   
He would love him forever.


	10. Chapter 10

Next morning, Louis was in the hospital on his way to see Harry. He was holding a box of Harry’s favorite cookie that he always ate when they used to live together. It was Harry’s recipe and Louis spent the whole morning baking them

“don’t you dare” Gemma said when she saw Louis was about to open the door

Louis looked at her and she was standing with Harry’s doctor, she walked directly to Louis “I told you not to come back”

“Gemma you don’t understand “

“I don’t care. I don’t need you here, you don’t have the right to be here”

“I am his friend Louis Tomlinson. I am not his ex”

She snapped at him “but you are” she chuckled in sarcasm “ do you believe yourself Louis? What are you doing? “

Louis didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t know what he was doing but all he knew he needed to see Harry.  
“he needs me” he said

Gemma laughed “ you are the last one he needs Louis. You don’t know what you did to him. You don’t know what he had been through and I won’t let you live in his life again”

“Gemma..”

“he tried to end his life” she yelled and then she looked down “ he tried to kill himself and it was only you who could save him back then…” she looked at him “ you made your choice Louis. If you put your feet in this room I will tell him everything, at least I will save him the misery he is in. He will know he will never remember.. He has been with you for months and he did not remember. He will never do”

Louis bit his lower lip “ I understand you. I understand why you are blaming me, but it wasn’t easy for me too”

“stop picking yourself Louis. It was not about you. It was about him. He was the one who lost everything, he was the one who needed us around him but you chose yourself “

“I know” Louis snapped at her “ I know I made a mistake. I know I should not have left him. But I didn’t ask for this. He came to me Gemma, he found me. I can’t leave him after all this”

“ what do you think is going to happen to him when he knows? Cause he will know.. “

Louis looked at her and said honestly “ I don’t know” 

cause he really didn’t know. He didn’t think about what would happen but at least he knew he would be there this time

“ leave him Louis. Just leave before it is too late”

Louis shook his head “ I am not leaving him”

“then I will tell him. Why do you want to hurt him this way? You are deceiving him. You will make it worse”

“I will not leave him again”

“then tell him”

“I can’t “

Gemma stopped talking and looked at him with tears in her eyes. Then she looked at the doctor she was talking to few minutes ago and she nodded her head.

Two security men walked towards Louis and then said to him politely “ Sir. Would you please walk with us? “

Louis looked at the men and then at Gemma, he begged her “ Gemma please. Don’t do this”

Gemma looked down, one of the security men said “ sir, please. We don’t want to make a scene.  
You need to come with us”

Louis sighed and looked down “ can you at least tell him I left a message with you, and I will be back later..”

Gemma didn’t raise her head up and Louis slowly walks out the hospital with the security men.

*****  
Louis was so angry at himself, he was in his flat drinking to forget the pain. Drinking to forget about Harry. He was angry at his old mistake and he felt he was living his past again but this time harder because recently he lived with Harry, he had his Harry back, Harry said he loves him and he said he wants his help. He didn’t blame Gemma for taking this away from him. He blamed himself for leaving from the first place.  
His phone rang and he decided to ignore. It didn’t stop and Louis didn’t answer.

He lied on the ground with an empty bottle of vodka, hugging his old album of him and Harry.  
Crying his past, crying his weakness and most important crying his Harry.

The phone rang again and Louis huffed angry and then he took his phone from the table he was lying under.

“ yes” he didn’t even saw the caller

“ Louis.. Are you okay? “ it was Zayn

Louis sighed “ what do you want Zayn? “

“fuck..are you drunk? “  
K  
“ what do you want Zayn? “

Zayn sighed through the phone “ it’s harry. We can’t find Harry”

Louis became alerted and opened his eyes wide “ what do you mean you can’t find Harry? “

“ there was a fight. His mom and Gemma fought him because of Nick. And he asked them to leave. I got between them and Gemma lost her mind and mentioned something about you..”

“Zayn…did he know? “

Zayn didn’t say a word, “Zayn? “

“ he did. She told him”

Louis was on his feet now, thinking what to do  
“ we don’t know where he is.. And we are scared that he might hurt himself again…”

Louis closed his eyes to control the dizziness that suddenly hit him, he didn’t know was it because he was drunk or because he could not stand what he just heard

“ Louis… are you there? “

Louis nodded “ I am here… what can I do? “

Zayn sighed “ I don’t know.. We are looking. If you know anything give me a call”

Louis ended the call and he slowly sat on the couch. He rested his head on his hands and he closed his eyes. All his body was shaking, all his body was trembling.

Then his door bell rang, Louis ran as fast as he ever did and he opened the door. “ Nick? “

Then Nick punched him on the face. Louis fell on the ground and suddenly all the dizziness disappeared. He became angry. Furious. Agitated.

He jumped in his feet but Nick was more angry “ I was trying to protect him from you”

Louis froze in his place, nick yelled“ I tried to stop him”

“you fucking hurt him.. I am gonna kill you for this”

Louis screamed and attacked Nick, he caught him from his collar and trapped him in the wall

“ I will put you in jail for hurting him. He was dying you bastard… you were going to kill him”

Nick pushed Louis away “ you can’t be in his life again..”

Louis “I will never leave”

Nick was going to hit him again but they heard

“ stop”

Both Louis and Nick looked and there was standing Harry looking at them with wide big eyes.

Louis saw Harry standing there with his bruised face leaning on the wall for a support.

“oh baby” Nick said and he left Louis and walked to him but Harry took few steps back glaring at Nick

“ stay away”

Nick froze in his place “ baby I am sorry”

Then Harry looked down “ what are you doing here? “

Louis was watching Harry, he was talking to Nick but his face was in great pain. Not physically but his eyes looked shocked and very very sad.

Nick hesitated “I… I was trying “

Harry said “ you know? “ then his eyes opened wide “ oh God you know it was him all along”

Nick rubbed his face, he was getting angry “ baby I was trying to protect you”

Louis looked at him and wanted to punch him hard   
“ you know I was looking for him.. You know and you promised to help.. All of you chose to keep me in dark”

Nick walked closer again but Harry raised his hand “ don’t”

Nick nodded his head “ okay.. Okay” he looked between Louis and Harry and then said “ why were you trying this hard to find him Harry? He didn’t even wanted to be found”

Harry looked down, and Louis felt the world was spinning again

“ even when you met.. He didn’t tell you the truth. If there was anyone you need to be angry at it’s him. He ran away and left you alone. He doesn’t want to be a part of your life”

Louis groaned “I swear to god Nick.. “

Nick looked at Louis “ what? It’s the truth… you Disappeared and never looked back.. So why?  
Why would I help him find you? So you can hurt him again”

Louis looked at Harry shocked “I never hurt him.. “

Nick laughed sarcastically “ oh right.. Leaving when he needed you.. He even tried to kill himself…  
“

“leave” Harry yelled

Nick looked at him “ you want to stay with him after all what he did? “

Harry looked at him “ I don’t know what I exactly want but I know I don’t want you”

Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath “ please harry I am sorry”

“just leave Nick.. We are done. Look what you did to me? You almost killed me” 

“Harry.. “

“no.. “ he took a deep breath “I have to stop hurting myself, I will not do the same mistakes again”

Nick looked at Louis and then at Harry “ you chose him? “

Harry didn’t answer at the start then he said “ leave or I will call the police”

Nick looked again at Louis “ this isn’t over”

“ Nick.. Go” Harry sighed.

Finally Nick left the flat, and Louis closed the door behind him, then he looked at Harry.

Harry was closing his eyes and leaning his head in the wall, Louis knew he was so weak to stand so he walked with caution “ are you okay? “

Harry couldn’t move, Louis supported his hand and Harry leaned on him. Louis took him and sat him on the couch, he sat beside him “ you shouldn’t leave the hospital Harry, that was stupid” Harry was still closing his eyes, Louis asked “ do you need anything? “

Harry nodded “ water”

Louis jumped on his feet and he rushed to the kitchen. He brought the water and also some pain killers in case.

But when he returned his heart literally stopped.  
Harry was looking at the album he was hugging an hour ago. Harry was looking at the photos with tears on his checks. Louis walked closer and he found himself saying 

“ I am so sorry Harry” Harry didn’t look at him, he continued watching the photos and cried.

Louis slowly sat beside him and he watched with him the photos. Harry stopped at a certain one. Both of them were in hospital gowns, both on hospital beds and they were looking at the camera smiling.

Louis said “ I have your kidney Harry”

Harry looked at him with opened mouth. Louis shrugged “ I was very sick and you did all the tests behind my back. I knew after the surgery that it was you who gave me your kidney”

Harry nodded and looked at the photo again, then he pointed at the next photo, it was a month later after the surgery. Harry was on his feet and Louis was on a wheelchair.

“ we looked happy” Harry said

Louis smiled “ we were happy”

Harry looked at him “ then why? “ Louis frowned and looked at him “ why what? “

“ why did you run? “

Louis took a deep breath and tears formed in his eyes “ I.. I don’t know.. That was.. “ he then looked at Harry “  
"we met Harry. After the accident when I left the hospital we met again.. I insisted to see you believing that once you see my face you will remember everything “ he wiped his tears and he smiled “ I gave you a panic attack Harry that day… you didn’t recognize me and I tried to remind you.. I was very shocked that you forgot me and I yelled at your face, you panicked and I froze there watching… it was hard harry and I… I mean we have history together”

Harry looked at the album again “ then you ran”

“ I am so sorry” Louis said and tears started to fall freely on his face

“ have you ever planned to tell me? “ Harry asked 

Louis looked at him and he didn’t know what to say “ I don’t know”

Harry nodded “ I felt you.. I felt there was something about you, something inside me kept telling me you are more than that.. “ he chuckled “ but my heart told me if you were more than a friend.. If I was more than a friend.. You would tell me"

“I wanted to tell you”

“but you didn’t “ Harry snapped and Louis pressed his mouth shut “ did you even love me? “ Harry asked and his voice cracked.

Louis couldn’t take it anymore “ of course I did… I loved you… I still love you”

Harry looked down and he seemed didn’t believe him 

“I was going to propose that day”

Harry looked at him shocked, Louis nodded “it was your birthday.. Made you a big party that we were going to. I gathered all our friends and family, I planned the whole thing.. I was ready and I wanted everything to be perfect. I was very nervous and I almost killed us”

Harry nodded and wiped his tears again “ you should have stayed . I would have forgave you… I needed you”

Louis put his hand on his mouth “ I don’t know what to say other than sorry. I am truly sorry Harry and I wish I could go back in time and fix this”

Harry nodded and looked at the album again “ I don’t remember anything.. “

Louis narrowed his brows “ you don’t have to”

“I want to. I feel like I am broken.. Like I am ruined”

“no.. “ Louis shook his head “ you are perfect. You did okay"

Harry closed his eyes “ I never was okay.. I was thinking about you”

Louis was watching him, Harry sighed “ it has been three years and It always feels the same”

Louis took Harry’s hand “ I want to make it up for you. I never stopped thinking about you in those last three years.. I wanted to see you but I was scared that you might panic again. That day at restaurant… it was the hardest day ever.. When you looked at me.. Completely clueless who I am… I died”

Harry smiled “ I am sorry “

Louis shook his head “no.. Everything was my fault.. I was driving.. I am the reason you don’t have a memory”

Harry took a deep breath and he said “ I am so tired.. “

“ do you want to lie down? "

Harry nodded and Louis supported him to lie on bed “ stay” Harry said and Louis lied too beside him.

Louis closed the light and he took again Harry’s hand   
“ what’s in your mind? “

Harry sighed “ I don’t know.. I mean when Gemma told me I was very angry. And I wanted to see you to fight? Or.. I needed an explanation and I kind of understand you.. “

Louis felt Harry looking at him “ I know it was hard.. I mean for me I was trying to remember but for you.. I can understand how hard it was for you. I know they all blamed you but I want you to know I don’t.. I don’t blame you”

Louis cried again and he kissed his hand 

“ I wanted it to be you” Harry sighed

Louis nodded but he couldn’t talk. Then he felt Harry putting his head on Louis chest just like the old days.   
The feeling was weird, the feeling was too much. And Louis felt his heart was beating fast and he couldn’t control himself. That was what he always wanted right? To have Harry in his bed like the old days. To have harry knowing him. But he felt there was something wrong.

******

Louis wake up on a sound of a thud. He opened his eyed and he looked beside him. No Harry.  
Instead there was a paper beside him. He hastily took the paper and it says “ I am sorry”

Louis jumped on his feet, because the sound he heard was the door behind closed. He ran outside the flat with no shoes, only a sweatpants and a t-shirt. And when he left the building he looked for Harry and he saw him crossing the road. He ran after him and he called  
“ Harry”

Harry stopped and looked at him, he was crying and he shook his head

Louis “ don’t go”

Harry crying “I can’t stay.. "

Louis cried too and stopped in front of him “why? “

Harry wiped his tears “ you said there was history between us. A history I know nothing about”

Louis shook his head “ we will make a new one”

Harry shook his head “ I can’t.. Lou.. It feels hard and I don’t think I have any power left to fight”

“we won’t fight.. Baby.. Don’t go. Please… give me a second chance”

Harry shook his head “I can’t…"

“you can.. “ Louis cried

But Harry took few steps away, Louis cried “ Harry.. Please “

It happened to fast, Louis was at the middle of the road suddenly he felt like flying…. Then blackness


	11. Chapter 11

When Louis opened his eyes he heard some whispers that he couldn’t understand. He slowly looked around him and he saw Harry and Zayn sitting on the small sofa in front of him. They didn’t notice him and he heard them saying

“ that was stupid Harry, you could get yourself killed you idiot”

Harry answered with weak voice “ he his him Zayn, he hit him with the car.. He could have killed him”

“and he could have killed you too”

Then Harry sighed “ it’s over now.. He will be in jail for long time”

Zayn said “ you sound sorry”

“ he is not that bad you know. He took good care of me Zayn, he gave me the chance to work at the media I like”

“he was abusing you.. He Hide Louis from you for two years even he knew where he was “ 

“ he was trying to protect me”

“God HARRY STOP DEFENDING HIM”

“ keep quite” Harry whispered screaming

Zayn sighed and said louder “ I know you are awake Louis” “what? “ he heard Harry saying.

Louis felt footsteps coming towards him and he opened his eyes and looked at them.

“ how do you u feel? Oh God.. Are you in pain? “

Louis opened his mouth but he didn’t found his voice, he looked at Harry and he gasped “ what… what? “ His voice was very scratch and he was very weak, Harry took his hand and was watching him, Louis slowly raised his hand to touch Harry’s face, there was a large bruise in his jaw.

“ I am okay” harry said

Louis closed his eyes and winced, now he felt the pain all over his body that he really wanted to scream and cry.

Harry looked at Zayn who nodded and walked outside the room.

Harry looked again at Louis “ Zayn is getting you a doctor for the pain”

Louis closed his eyes and the tears fell down, Harry was crying now “ oh God… lou I am so sorry.. I am sorry. It is my fault.. I should.. “

“shhh” Louis said and then opened his eyes and looked at Harry “ you look.. Beautiful “

Harry opened his mouth then he giggled and the tears fallen down “ what are talking about.. I look miserable”

Louis frowned “ never… “ he winced again “ what happened to me? “

Harry sighed “ you were hit by a car”

“oh… “ Louis said trying to remember

“ it was Nick..damn Louis that’s my fault “

“no” he opened his eyes again “ my fault.. “

“he did it because of me”

“my fault.. If I stayed with you.. You would not meet him”

Harry smiled “ that’s ridicules”

Louis giggled and then winced again, he looked at Harry’s face “ did you fight with him? “

Harry looked down, but didn’t talk, Louis “ what happened? “

“ yeah.. But don’t worry he won’t touch you again”

Louis sighed “ I am sorry Harry”

Harry “ lou.. Stop.. I am so sorry, I should not leave. I was confused and angry. But I understand you I swear to God I do.. You know what? I think we belong to each other”

“ you think? “ Louis smiled

Harry nodded “ I came to you didn’t I? I saw you and immediately fallen in love with you even I was still with Nick. I couldn’t walk away from you. I couldn’t stop thinking of you, we are meant to be together “

Louis was watching him with a smile “ am I dying? “

Harry frowned “ what? “

“ this can’t be happening.. I never imagined you would do this”

Harry smiled “ I didn’t know I was going to say this. But Louis.. I can’t remember anything.. I was just with the doctor and he did all the tests and the results still the same”

“I don’t care”

“but…”

“ Harry.. I was wrong… I don’t care if you remembered or not, if you will ever remember. It is you who matters. With or without your memory you will always be my love.. “ he winced again “ aw lou… “ Harry said frowning but he was crying.

“ leaving you was my biggest mistake Harry”

Harry nodded and wiped his tears “ I know” then he giggled.

*****   
Seven months ago.

“ come on Harry.. We will be late” Louis yelled in front of the door.

Harry came running holding his jacket “ coming, I am ready”

Louis froze and watched him, Harry frowned “ what? “

“ you look amazing”

Harry rolled his eyes and moved outside the house “ let’s go Lou”

But once he put his leg outside he heard screams “ surprise”

Harry startled and froze at his place, he looked at his mother and sister who were clapping and screaming.   
“what is happening? “

Gemma hugged him “it’s your birthday “

Harry frowned “ no it’s not.. It is not until next week”

Louis groaned behind him “ you always forget harry”

Harry was still frowning he turned to look at Louis, but he found him looking at him softly, he took his hand and he started “ Harry… I am still sorry for the past three years, I am still feeling ashamed of myself and I feel guilty. When you lost your memory… you forgot me, only me and it felt unfair and I was angry and scared.. I thought I will never love again. And I never expect to fall in love with you again”

Harry was crying looking at Louis with a smile.  
Then Louis knelt on his knee and Harry gasped   
“ Harry Edward Style.. Will you marry me? “

Harry covered his mouth and he cried, he nodded his head because he could not talk and he hugged  
Louis. 

Louis whispered “ I love you”

And Harry whispered back “I love you more”

Harry looked at everyone around who was clapping and watching them with tears in their eyes and smile on their face. He knew he will be okay. He knew even without his memory he will be okay. He looked at Louis who was smiling and talking with the people around him and he took a deep breath. He was glad he found Louis again and he was glad they were meant to be.


End file.
